Systems Most Admirably Flawed
by song-of-a-nightowl
Summary: Sometimes, Lily Evans knew, the world could be kind of a mess. People, too. But maybe, just maybe, she believed everything could be okay. A story about how people can be both weird and wonderful, and all of the ways we deal with it. Starts halfway through 6th year, goes through 7th year. James/Lily
1. In Which Lily Takes a Step Near Trouble

Lily Evans knew that the world was often fucked up. And she enjoyed potion-making for its non-fucked-up-ness. It was the art of precision and persistence. The game never changed halfway through. Lily was seldom more at peace than when she was brewing something in her cauldron, like the witches she had seen in books when she was little.

Most of the work Professor Slughorn had given her involved concocting different potions. Less favorable to Lily, he had also requested she draft some lab worksheets. Lily was familiar enough with nearly every potion on the list, even some of the work for the seventh years. There was a reason the professor had been hinting about an opportunity for next summer, and it wasn't her pretty eyes.

Lily had barely been in the potions classroom for an hour before she had a half-dozen cauldrons steaming and simmering. She had set up a workstation for herself near the front of the room, where she put out spare ingredients, a potions book marked to all the necessary pages, and a quill and paper.

Once most of the potions could sit for a bit on their flames, Lily bent her head over drafting a worksheet for the first years. She tucked a stray hair back into her ponytail and wrote the date at the top of the parchment.

Every so often, she went to stir a potion or add something to another one. Potion-making was old hat to Lily, but she had never made so many potions on her own at once. For a brief second, she let herself entertain the idea of being the Potions Master someday. Then she remembered the war that had kept her at Hogwarts over Christmas. The idle fantasy fizzled out like a dead firecracker.

Lily was halfway through writing a question about the importance of stirring in the right direction when she heard a knocking from outside the classroom. By the booming sound of it, like the tail of a great dragon beating against the wall, she figured it to be Hagrid. She leapt to her feet and went to open the door.

Nothing. Probably Peeves.

She heard it again, coming from all directions. It made the floor tremble. Lily leaned against the doorframe, like she had once read you were supposed to do in an earthquake.

The banging sound went away. Lily straightened her sweater, took a deep breath, and told herself once more Peeves was probably just bored.

One of the cauldrons had toppled over from all the shaking. Lily muttered a quick profanity when she saw the purple potion seeping out across the floor. She ran to the front of the room and grabbed her wand. She waved it once to right the cauldron, but hesitated before vanishing the spoiled potion.

It had almost been finished, so close to it. Lily might even argue it _had_ been finished, save for another minute on the fire. She wondered whether it was any good. She looked toward the storage vials at the front of the room, wondering whether she'd need a Wideye Potion anytime soon and whether it was immoral for a prefect to smuggle potions.

"Head Girl or head of an illicit potions ring?" muttered Lily, with a grin.

She reminded herself of the school's stringent rules about potion possession. She thanked no one in particular that it was only a Wideye Potion, or else she would have been more tempted. She waved her wand, and the floor was clean as cottages.

Just around suppertime, Lily popped into Slughorn's office. The door was open, but Lily knocked anyway. Slughorn's head was hidden beneath his desk; just his massive shoulders and back were visible. He looked somewhat like an overstuffed tweed pillow.

"I finished the potions, Professor," Lily said.

Slughorn straightened in his seat. His forehead shone of sweat.

"Excellent, my dear, excellent," he said. His ruddy jowls quivered when he spoke, and his voice was far too loud for the confines of his office. "I trust I'll see you at a little Slug Club party I'm having next week."

"I'll definitely try to make it," said Lily politely. In truth, she had grown weary of those parties, at least the ones that were just Hogwarts students. She had once met the Minister of Magic's press secretary at a luncheon, but that had been very much the exception.

"Excellent," said Slughorn in a quieter voice. He looked down at his desk and tidied an already-neat stack of papers.

"Is everything all right, Professor?" Lily asked.

"Of course, of course! Couldn't be better."

Lily nodded. She felt the beginning of some skepticism working its way into her head, but she thought it best not to pry. Slughorn's business was his own.

She ate dinner in the kitchens. There was no sense in going to the Great Hall; no one would be there except for a Hufflepuff or two. The house elves were more than happy to give Lily some food, even if they made for somewhat obsequious company.

Lily walked back to Gryffindor Tower with thoughts of red wine sloshing around in her head. A glass and a shower appealed greatly to her.

Gryffindor Tower smelled of disuse. Even though Lily had stayed for the whole break, the place felt thoroughly unlived-in, and it was no surprise. With the world being what it was, nearly every student in school went home over Christmas break. It wasn't necessarily to anyplace better, but no one really took family for granted anymore.

Up in the sixth year girls' dorm, Lily shed her skirt and sweater in anticipation of a shower. The hot water warmed her bones after having been in the dungeons for most of the day. How did the Slytherins deal with the cold, she wondered?

After her shower, she changed into an old pair of pajamas and took out her favorite book. Then, from beneath the layer of old, Christmas-gift sweaters in her trunk, she extracted a bottle of red wine. It was part of her stash of muggle paraphernalia: magazines, sweets, and liquor. Alcohol was the secret currency of the older Hogwarts students, but Lily kept the stuff more for personal than pragmatic use.

She uncorked her bottle of wine, wondered briefly whether her stash would last the semester, and settled into her bed.

As her eyes were beginning to droop, she heard a knocking at the door. It wasn't as loud as it had been, but Lily saw the posts of her bed shaking slightly. She shut her eyes and willed it to stop. The pipes, she told herself, it must be the pipes. No need to worry.

The knocking didn't stop for at least another minute. Once it did, Lily got out of her nice, warm bed and went to the door: nothing, just as before.

She grabbed her wand and slipped on the nearest pair of shoes she could find. Before she left the dorm, she magicked the cork back into her now half-empty bottle of wine.

She heard the knocking once more in the stairwell and followed it down. When she reached the common room, she whispered, "_Homenum revelio_."

Nothing. Lily shivered from the cold and pulled her sleeve back up onto her shoulder. She waited a few minutes: nothing more. She didn't move, and her breaths were silent as death. Then, and perhaps this was the wine, she headed toward the portrait hole. If the Fat Lady admonished her as she left, Lily didn't hear it.

The corridors of Hogwarts were eerie at night, especially with the castle so empty. Lily thought of Potter and all of the late-night adventures she knew he had with his friends. If they could do this, so could she.

She instinctively headed in the direction of the dungeons. She didn't worry much about running into Filch; he was always far more laissez faire during winter holidays.

On the second floor, Lily thought she heard footsteps approaching. She froze for a second and clutched her wand tighter. Then she looked around and ducked into the nearest corridor. She moved as quickly yet silently as she could, succeeding more in the former than the latter. She stopped halfway down the hall to listen for more footsteps. Instead, she heard muttering from up ahead and saw a bit of light coming out from under a door.

Lily tiptoed forward, wincing with each tap that her shoes made on the stones. She stopped a few feet short of the room in question.

"Merlin, why?" she heard someone whisper. It took Lily a moment, but after a few more mutterings she identified the speaker as Professor Slughorn. He went on, "If only I…when it should…she's not…"

Then his voice went silent. Lily heard the groan of his chair as it was relieved of his weight. Then came his footsteps tapping on the flagstones. She darted away from Slughorn's office, wondering whether she could make it to the end of the corridor in time. The door creaked; Lily settled for hiding behind a suit of armor.

She turned and watched Slughorn exit his office. He blessedly went in the other direction. Lily noticed a folded piece of paper, most likely a letter or a lesson plan, hanging out of his pocket. She couldn't help but wonder.

Once Slughorn was gone, Lily made her way back to Gryffindor Tower, caring more for speed than silence. The Fat Lady greeted her with judging eyes and crossed arms.

"Do you have an explanation, young lady?"

"Virtuoso, and no, I don't," said Lily. "Not that I'd care to share right now, at least."

Still glaring, the portrait swung open. Lily decided as she ascended to her dorm that she would not so easily be dragged out of bed again.


	2. Firewhisky

"Wild night, eh?" said Nadia. She grabbed the bottle of wine on Lily's nightstand and sloshed it around.

"Hardly." Lily rubbed her eye with the back of her wrist.

"I'd've been drinking too if I'd spent the whole break with Slughorn," said Francine, as she flopped onto her bed.

"Lily actually likes the old Slug, Fae," said Nadia.

"Doesn't mean I have to."

Lily sat on the edge of her bed, staring into her open trunk and only dimly aware of her roommates' banter. For some reason, her vision zeroed in on the blue sweater her mother had given her two Christmases ago. She felt her tongue around her mouth and decided that she needed to brush her teeth. Running a hand through her hair, she decided a shower would also do her some good.

"I'm going to hop in the bathroom," declared Lily. She stood up and said to her roommates, "Hold the fort while I'm in there, yeah?"

"Aye, aye, Cap'n," said Francine, with a mock salute.

"At ease," said Lily drolly.

In the bathroom, she grabbed a towel from the cupboard and dropped it on the floor near one of the shower stalls.

She sang as she worked shampoo into her hair. Given that she had just woken up, she had pretty bad morning voice (probably morning breath, too), but it didn't keep her from singing a wizarding lullaby Remus had taught her back in the fall.

The bathroom steadily filled with steam and the aroma of vanilla. Lily shut off the water eventually, and wrapped her towel around her midsection. By the time she had mostly dried off, she felt like her usual self.

Lily opened the bathroom door, about to inquire about the state of the fort. Then she realized Nadia and Francine were standing in the middle of the room, kissing.

"All right then," said Lily awkwardly, ready to turn around and go back into the bathroom.

Nadia and Francine stepped apart. Fran's pale complexion reddened quickly, while Nadia just ducked her head away.

"So…um, I suppose I'm interrupting something?" said Lily.

"Um, just a little, in a not-really sort of way," said Francine nervously. "Inconsequential, honestly."

"Really? You sure about that?" said Lily. She was still clutching her pajamas with one hand and the top of her towel to her chest with the other.

"We have a thing," said Nadia calmly, finally looking up. "A dating thing."

"All right, good to know," said Lily.

"You know, I've heard your eyes can fall out if you keep 'em that wide for so long," said Fran.

Lily shook her head and relaxed her expression. She gestured between her trunk and the bathroom with odd, circular gestures. She said, "I'm going to do the, you know, get dressed, and whatnot. And…yeah."

"I'll explain when you get out," said Nadia.

"Much obliged," said Lily.

She grabbed her blue sweater and some old corduroys from her trunk and went back into the bathroom. After she quickly dressed, she ran a comb through her thick hair, which did little more than compact the tangles. She'd sort it out later.

She took her time placing her pajamas back into her trunk and folding them with care. Then she sat cross-legged on her bed, like a little girl about to be told a bedtime story. Nadia and Fran, she noticed, were both sitting on still-absent Alice's bed, each one of them leaning on one of the bed posts. Nadia slowly ran the edge of the bedspread between her fingers.

"So…" Lily said, attempting to begin the story for them.

"So," said Fran. "We're dating."

"I got that," said Lily.

"It started over break," said Nadia. "Fae came to stay with me. Her mum thought it'd be safer for her to get out of England, though I don't know how Scotland's much better."

"My mum's a worrier. And I kind of made the dumb choice a while back to explain to her what some people think of muggleborns these days," said Fran. "Either way, I went to stay with Nadia. Her parents put us in the same room, and things just played out."

"You can leave those details out," said Lily, wincing.

"Oh, it's nothing like that," said Nadia. "We haven't had sex, if that's what you mean."

"Only because her brothers were in the next room," muttered Fran.

Nadia pinched her girlfriend's midsection. Fran smiled mischievously.

"So how long was this coming on?" asked Lily.

Both girls looked at each other and shrugged. Nadia ran a hand over her mouth and then through her hair. She ventured, "A few months, I suppose?"

"Nothing concrete. Just little things, here and there," said Fran.

"Got it," said Lily, not really getting it at all.

Two of her friends were dating. It was an odd truth to get her head around, and for some reason it made something in Lily's stomach feel like it had a pebble inside of it. Maybe it was a kidney stone.

By the time Lily and her roommates headed down to lunch, a steady stream of students had begun bringing life back to the tower. It was mostly younger students, although Lily saw a few fifth and sixth years in the mix. She waved hello to fifth-year Mary MacDonald, with whom she was fairly good friends. No Marauders to be seen, though, thank Merlin.

Lily couldn't help but be hyperaware of the tiny subtleties of Nadia and Fran's new dynamic during lunch. The couple spoke more to each other than to Lily. They angled their heads and their bodies toward each other, and some parts of them were almost always in contact. There was one moment where Lily could have sworn they were holding hands under the table, but then Nadia reached for the pumpkin juice, and Lily ignored it.

"Any New Year's resolutions?" asked Nadia at one point.

"Drink more, study more, kiss more boys," said Lily.

"Mine was more or less the same, minus that last bit," said Fran.

Nadia snorted, putting a hand to her mouth to keep from spitting out her soup. Lily couldn't help but laugh a little, too.

Most of the professors filtered in and out of the Great Hall, except for Professors Slughorn and Dumbledore. Dumbledore was probably just busy as sin, but Lily couldn't help but worry about Slughorn. She explained her previous night's excursion (minus the strange banging sound) to Nadia and Fran, and they were as puzzled as Lily.

"Maybe he's lost someone," said Nadia quietly, after a minute or so. "It's been happening more often lately."

"I hadn't considered that," said Lily.

"Speaking of losing someone, I heard Grennar Beauregard lost his granny over break," said Fran.

"I thought he was pureblood?" said Lily.

"He is. But his granny was a squib."

"Poor guy," said Nadia.

"Yeah," said Lily. She forced herself to add, "Such a shame."

She looked over at Grennar where he sat at the Ravenclaw table. Lily knew how hard it must have been for him to lose a family member, having herself lost her father just over three years ago. But the sympathy she felt for Grennar was tempered by the ugly things he'd said when he broke up with her the year before. He'd been, on the whole, correct about her friendship with Snape, but it didn't give him the right to be a prick about it.

Lily felt the pebble in her stomach again. It seemed like all of her insides were gravitating towards it.

"You okay?" asked Nadia.

"Yeah, of course," said Lily.

"Good. Y'know, I was thinking of doing something for the last night of break. How about some firewhisky and exploding snap?" said Nadia.

"Exploding snap? Come on, Nadia, we're not fourth-years anymore," said Fran.

"That's why I also suggested firewhisky," said Nadia, with a grin.

"And I do so relish the thought of getting you drunk."

They kissed, barely even a peck, but Lily excused herself from the table. She needed a few hours to adjust to everything, or else she knew she was going to just wind up being an arse to two of her closest friends.

The doors to the castle had been propped open, and students filtered in and out of the entrance hall. Some went towards the Great Hall, and others headed toward their respective common rooms. Amongst the stream of students, Lily noticed Alice walking side by side with Frank Longbottom.

"Oi, Alice!" called Lily, waving.

Alice waved back. She said something to Frank while gesturing in Lily's direction. He waved goodbye and headed toward the Great Hall. Passing in front of a gaggle of hugging first years, Alice came over to where Lily stood. The two girls embraced.

"How was your Christmas?" asked Lily.

"It was swell. My sister came home from the States for a few days, and my mum gave me a new broom. I saw my dad for a little bit, too."

"How are your parents handling the divorce?" asked Lily, as they started up the stairs.

"Fine, fine," said Alice. "My mum's a tough woman. It's not like the divorce was so horribly contentious, either. And my dad's already found a new place in London, near the ministry. But did I mention my new broom?"

"Yes, Alice, you did. I'm guessing it's a good one?"

"It's amazing! I'll have to show it to you later. I haven't been able to get out and fly on it much, being in the city and all. I wonder when James is going to start practices again."

"Probably pretty soon, knowing him and how quidditch-crazy he is."

"Hey, watch your tongue about my sport."

Alice gave Lily a playful punch on the arm, which Lily returned in kind.

Halfway to Gryffindor Tower, they heard familiar voices coming from the staircase below. Lily leaned out over the railing, one hand keeping her balance and the other pushed up to keep her hair out of her face.

Sure enough, Potter and his friends were swaggering up the staircase, still red-faced from the cold. James and Sirius were clearly griping at each other in their usual way. Sirius responded by swatting his friend on the head. Remus and Peter walked beside them, giving each other a look as if to say, _those two_.

"It's them," Lily said to Alice. Her tone made it clear who "them" was.

Lily thought of the idea Nadia had mentioned at lunch. Getting the Marauders drunk on firewhisky, now there was an idea.

They had to wait until the younger students were in bed though, of course. There was no need to set a bad example. Lily sent Alice to explain the idea to the guys, who only too readily agreed. That left the rest of the afternoon and a fair portion of the evening to get through.

While her roommates unpacked their things, Lily stayed in the common room to catch up with Frank Longbottom. He arrived at the castle in the mid-afternoon, but had yet to go up to his dormitory to unpack.

"Giving the roommates time to settle in," he had explained.

Lily could only imagine what it must be to room with Potter and Black.

"So how's your break been, Lily?" asked Frank.

Lily had done a lot of quality potions work for Slughorn, and then there was the odd incident of the previous night. But given where her head was that day, the first thing that came out of her mouth was, "Snogging."

"I'm – what?" spluttered Frank.

"Snacking," amended Lily. "No one was around to catch me going to the kitchens."

"Sure, of course."

Lily was sure her face had turned bright red. Thankfully, Frank seemed as willing to shift the topic as she was.

"Before break, hadn't you mentioned something about doing some work for Slughorn?" he asked.

"Yeah, I did. He kept me pretty busy. I caught a bit of a cold around Boxing Day, though. Being in the dungeons all day and all," she replied.

"I hope you didn't spend the holidays like that."

"Well, Christmas was quiet, but I forced myself to get down to the Three Broomsticks for New Year's. Rosmerta was nice company. That woman really knows how to hold her liquor."

"I'd imagine so. She's nice, that Rosmerta," said Frank.

Lily gave him a look and nudged his shoulder. "I'm guessing nice isn't the first adjective on your mind."

"Probably isn't," he said with a smile.

Frank Longbottom was not a bad-looking bloke. Features aside, he held himself with a kind of confidence that James Potter strove too hard for. Even just lounging on the couch, head tilted back and arms crossed, Frank had an easiness to him. Lily wondered whether he would actually pursue Rosmerta. One could never tell whether Frank was serious when he threw out these casual asides.

At dinner, Nadia explained to Alice that she and Fran were now dating, as she had for Lily. Alice seemed just as surprised, but she smiled and told them how happy she was for them. Lily couldn't truthfully say she payed attention the whole time. The words "dating", "couple", and "girlfriend" made her stomach feel oddly tight.

As she zoned out of the conversation she was supposed to be involved in, Lily couldn't help but notice that Remus didn't look well. He seemed tired and aged, and Lily could have sworn she saw a gray hair or two around his ears. She tried to think of what phase the moon was in, but she realized she hadn't gone outside at night for some time. She really needed to get out more, she decided.

After dinner in the common room, Lily went over to where Remus sat with a book. She put a kind hand on his shoulder, bent her head down, and whispered in his ear.

"Is it near the full moon?" she asked.

"Two nights ago," he said, his voice pained.

Lily moved her hand to his back and rubbed it in a circle consolingly. Remus gave her a smile that said quite clearly how hard it had been on him.

"It's rougher when you're not here, isn't it?" she said.

Remus nodded. Lily was aware of the real reason behind the Shrieking Shack's name. Every time the full moon rolled around, she felt a pain in her chest at the thought of Remus cooped up alone in there.

"You want to sit?" said Remus. "Tell me how your break was."

"Nothing special," said Lily, taking the seat across from him. "Spent New Year's with Rosmerta. Spent Christmas alone. Everyone sobbed and I was a lonely spinster for all of time."

Remus chuckled.

"You?" asked Lily.

"Spent Christmas at the Potters'. James's mum is quite lovely to be around," he said.

"I'm sure. Makes you wonder how the apple fell so far from the tree."

"Well, from what I hear, his dad wasn't entirely innocent during his Hogwarts years."

"There it is."

Over near the fire, Sirius was sprawled out on the couch while James sat on the floor.

Sirius nudged James's head with his foot and said, "I reckon a dungbomb or two would clear this place out nicely."

"That'd get rid of all of us too, idiot," said James.

"But I don't want to have to wait for the children to decide it's bedtime before I can get drunk," moaned Sirius.

"I'll get you the bottle now if you like. I'd enjoy seeing you make an ass of yourself around children," said James.

"And that's why you should never be a father, mate," said Sirius, laughing.

It was around ten thirty when the common room finally emptied, aside from them. Nadia and Fran went up to their dorm and returned with three unopened bottles of firewhisky. Well, the bottles were unopened until Fran pulled the cap off one, tipped it back, and took a swig.

Sirius took one of the bottles from Nadia and made a face. "Blishen's? Didn't you have any Ogden's?"

"If you don't like my liquor, you don't have to drink it," said Nadia.

Sirius gave a dramatic sigh and put the bottle down next to the other two. He pulled a deck of cards out of his back pocket and then took his place in the circle they'd all formed on the floor.

"Name of the game is BS," Sirius said. He shuffled the deck with one hand, like he worked at a casino. "We catch you cheating, drink. We don't catch you, drink. If you lose, drink."

"Wouldn't it be easier to inject it into my bloodstream now?" said Fran.

Sirius gave her a look. He gave the deck of cards to Alice, who sat to his left, telling her to cut them. She did so and passed them back. Then Sirius dealt the cards with surprising speed, before taking up his own and dramatically pondering them. He stroked his non-existent beard and made various "m-hmm" noises.

"Get on with it," said Peter.

Sirius tossed down the first card. Then they all went around the circle, taking it in turns to put down their cards. Poor Remus had to cheat on his first move; Lily was the one who called him out on it.

"Maybe the liquor will make you a better liar," she said.

Remus swallowed some firewhisky and made a face at her.

They went around a few more times, and everyone had to drink at some point or another, except for James. Lily was doing better than most of the others. But on the few times she had to drink, she could definitely feel the burn at the back of her throat. She had never quite developed a taste for firewhisky.

On her seventh turn, she laid down a queen and a ten. "Two tens."

"Drink, Evans," said James.

"Wanker," she muttered, taking the proffered bottle.

After a few more circuits, there was more chatting and drinking than actual playing. No one waited until their turn to take a swig from the communal bottles. People's accounts of their cards were inaudible above the din of laughter and shouting. Lily rested her head in Remus's lap and held her cards close to her face so he couldn't see them.

"Are you trying to poke your nose through your queen, Lily?" said Sirius.

"S'not a queen, Black. Even if it were, my nose'd be nicer to get poked with than what you've got," retorted Lily.

For some reason, Fran found that comment utterly hilarious. She started snorting wildly, throwing her head back with each burst of laughter. Nadia threw an arm around her new girlfriend's shoulders, laughing with her.

"So let me get this straight," said James, "You're gay for each other?"

"Not just for each other. I'm gay for most girls," said Nadia.

"I'm comfor…comf…nicely bi," said Fran.

"So you're saying I've still got a shot?" said Sirius.

Fran gave his head a shove. "Don't be an arse!"

A few feet away from the center of the din, Lily poked Remus in the side. His stomach was inches from her nose, as she was still lounging in his lap.

"What about you, Remus?" she asked.

"What about me?" he said.

His words were less slurred than the others'. He had been forced to drink more than most of them, but Lily knew Remus to be able to hold his liquor fairly well. Better than Sirius, it seemed. And definitely better than Peter, who was a bit of a lightweight.

"You got anyone?" she asked. She, too, was more sober than not. Unlike Remus, it was mostly due to a good hand.

"You've been asking for years, Lily, and the answer's always no." He raised his eyebrows and added, "I'm starting to get the feeling you want me for yourself."

Lily giggled. She sat up and put her arm on Remus's nearer shoulder. She said, "I love you, Remus. You're great. But you've got idiots for best friends, and it looks like you four are a package deal."

"You say that like I'm not one of the idiots," said Remus, grinning.

Lily giggled once more. She watched as Sirius and James began swatting at each other, their hands flapping all about. They looked like children fighting in a schoolyard.

Peter was the first to head up to bed, and Lily went up not long after. All of them trickled into their respective dormitories, one by one. By the time the common room was empty, the fire was little more than a few embers next to the andirons.

As Lily changed into her pajamas, she lost her balance and knocked into the bottle of wine still on her nightstand. She heard it hit the floor and probably crack, but then it rolled across the floorboards. She bent down and groped around for the bottle. No such luck. She sighed and decided to look for it in the morning.

One of the beds in the dormitory was empty that night, although Lily didn't notice. Just as she had so many times over break, Fran fell asleep next to Nadia.


	3. Not Quite Charming

The previous night, Lily decided, had been a really fucking dumb idea. Here she was, on the first day of classes for spring term, and she was desperately trying to remedy a hangover. Bloody brilliant.

A hot shower helped a little, and so did switching to cold water right before she got out. Still, as she went to breakfast, she still felt bleary-eyed and heavy-headed. She noticed that her fellow sixth years at the Gryffindor table were equally subdued.

"Pass the pumpkin juice," muttered Sirius.

"Go shove it up your arse," said James. He rested his head on one hand.

"Shove it up your mum's arse," said Sirius lazily.

James lifted an arm as if to hit Sirius, realized he didn't have the energy, and settled for groaning loudly.

Lily vaguely remembered seeing a recipe for a hangover cure in a potions book once. If only she'd had the presence of mind over break to brew one up among the other dozens of potions she'd made over break. It might not be a bad idea to keep some of the potion on hand in the future. She looked at her friends and decided that "some" was probably an underestimate.

Getting food and pumpkin juice in their stomachs cheered most of them up a bit, especially those who hadn't drunk quite as much the night before. Sirius, Fran, and Peter were still in a particularly bad way by the end of breakfast. Everyone else, Lily suspected, would be fine within a few hours.

Ordinarily, Lily would wait until everyone was finished before heading to class. But given the lack of conversation at their table and the noise coming from everywhere else, she was keen on getting somewhere quiet. So once she had drained the last of her pumpkin juice, she excused herself and headed for the door. Once she reached the entrance hall, she realized she had not been alone in getting up from the breakfast table.

Lily turned around. James stood there, looking peaky and tired but still with a grin on his face.

"Alright, Evans?" he said.

"No, not particularly," she said. "Remind me not to get drunk with you and your friends on a school night ever again."

She started to walk toward the dungeons. James followed.

"I can't help but agree with you on that one," he said. "Firewhisky takes a lot out of a person."

Lily didn't reply. She rubbed at the corner of her eye, trying to wipe the sleep away. James kept up his stream of idle, surprisingly upbeat chatter.

"I wonder what the Old Slug will have us doing today. Myself, I'm hoping for a lecture, for once. Not very likely, but you never know. Barring that, maybe a potion that doesn't take a whole lot of effort."

"Potter?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

And James was quiet. Lily could hardly say she was ever thrilled about his perpetual crush on her, but it did give her a certain amount of power over the guy.

Lily barely had to think about where she was going, since she had gone to the potions classroom so often over break. A few other sixth years had gathered outside of the room by the time she and James got there. It was mostly Ravenclaws, with the Slytherins nowhere to be seen. Lily preferred it that way.

She leaned against the opposite wall and slid down until she was sitting. James sat himself next to her.

"You didn't have to walk me to class, Potter. I'm capable of finding the way on my own," she asked.

"I thought it might be all Slytherins to show up first. I didn't think it was a good idea for you to be alone with them," he said.

Lily wondered what he meant by that. Was it about house rivalry, her blood status, or her former friendship with someone she'd rather not think about? She preferred not to ask.

"I can handle myself, thanks," she said instead.

James shrugged.

The rest of their friends showed up over the next ten minutes, as well as the Slytherins James had been expecting. Snape kept good distance from Lily and her lot, thankfully.

Professor Slughorn did not show up. Instead, Professor Dumbledore came striding down the corridor, humming a little tune. Lily's eyes went wide when she saw him.

"Professor?" she said, standing up.

"Our dear Horace is feeling a bit under the weather today," said Dumbledore lightly. "I shall be filling in for him. I do believe he was kind enough to leave a lesson plan behind."

Dumbledore opened the door, and the students all filed into the potions classroom. Lily vied with her friends for seats nearer the back, on account of their collectively hungover status. Lily wondered whether Dumbledore could tell.

Once everyone had taken a seat, Dumbledore stood at the front of the room. He had his hands clasped behind his back and a pleasant smile on his face. He looked tired, though, Lily noticed. His face was shadowed and lined with the folded-up troubles going on outside of Hogwarts. Nonetheless, he did not let it color the way he addressed the students.

"I suppose I shall start by welcoming you all back to school," said Dumbledore. "I hope you enjoyed the break. Professor Slughorn has requested that you work on the Draught of Living Death today. You shall find it on page twenty in your books. I am here should any of you need assistance, but I believe you all to be more than capable. Good luck."

Lily smiled. She'd prepared that potion numerous times in the past, and she could do it easily today. She turned to Alice, her usual potions partner, and said, "I can get the ingredients. You get things set up here, yeah?"

"I'll get the…" Alice broke off with a yawn. She continued, "The fire started."

Lily went to the storeroom and stood in line behind a few Ravenclaws to get what she needed. One of those Ravenclaws was Grennar Beauregard, Lily's ex-boyfriend from a year ago. Lily tried to avoid catching his eye, but he noticed her anyway.

"Hullo," he said.

"Hi, Grennar," she replied.

"How are you?"

Lily shrugged. "Fine, I guess. I heard about your gran. I'm sorry."

Grennar smiled sadly at Lily. It made his dimples stand out. "Thanks. I'm sorry too."

Thankfully, it was his turn to get ingredients, and Lily was spared any more awkward small talk. Once Grennar finished, Lily grabbed what she needed as quickly as possible and returned to her seat.

Even with a mild hangover, Lily was an extraordinary potioneer. She did most of the work today, given the fact that Alice's head kept drooping down onto the table. Every so often, Lily would prod her to keep Dumbledore from seeing her fall asleep.

"Sorry," muttered Alice, after it happened the third time. "Do you want me to help more? I feel bad you're doing most of the work."

"I don't mind, really," said Lily.

Truthfully, she didn't. Making potions was part of what she lived for: potions, her friends, and the inevitable promise of a good lay. She usually said that last part in jest.

While everyone around her was still adding ingredients, Lily got to the point where all she had to do was stir the mixture and watch it change color. She started to lose herself in the repetitive motion, and she found herself yawning as much as Alice.

"Look alive, Lily," said Alice.

"Sorry, sorry. Would you mind taking over for a minute? It might help if I walk around a bit."

"Sure."

Lily passed the ladle to Alice, and then she got up and walked over to Nadia and Fran's table. The two of them were hard at work chopping Sopophorous beans, although the process seemed to be mixed in with a fair amount of whispering and giggling.

"Am I interrupting?" asked Lily.

"Not at all," said Fran. "You want to give us a hand?"

Lily took the knife from Fran and made quick work of the beans. When she was satisfied, she passed the chopped beans to Nadia, who added them to their potion.

"So, you reckon Slughorn's sick?" said Fran.

Lily shook her head. "Not after what I saw the other night."

"Really, I think it's nothing sinister. Probably just a death in the family," said Nadia.

"Does the Old Slug even have any family?" asked Fran.

"Everyone's got family," said Lily.

She thought of Petunia, and for a second she thought how she would cope if she lost her sister. She didn't know if she'd be able to, horrible though Petunia may have been in recent years.

"I hope he's okay," she said.

"I'm sure he is," said Nadia.

Lily returned to her table. Alice had kept up fairly well with stirring the potion. She looked more awake than she had been at the beginning of the period. However, it wasn't the exact shade of pink Lily was expecting. She took over the stirring, while Alice gradually strove to wake herself up. She stretched, rubbed at her eyes, and finally tried to engage Lily in conversation.

"First day back is always rough," said Alice. "And who would have guessed that drinking doesn't help?"

"Well, we only know drinking the night before doesn't help," joked Lily. "I'm sure Sirius would slip you a bottle of something fun in the name of science."

"I wouldn't trust a damn thing that man tried to put in my mouth," said Alice. "You can interpret that any way you'd like."

At the end of the period, Lily went and put a vial of their potion on Slughorn's desk. Professor Dumbledore stopped her at the front of the room to ask about her break.

"Professor Slughorn mentioned you had been doing some work for him during the holidays," said Professor Dumbledore. His tone made it clear it had been a question.

"Professor Slughorn is very nice to me," said Lily. "I appreciate it a lot, and I was able to practice my potion-making a lot over break."

"He has mentioned once or twice doing some work with you next summer. Perhaps I shouldn't mention it, but I do think you should make good use of your talent, Miss Evans."

"Thank you, Professor."

Lily left the room, glowing from the compliment from the headmaster.

Over lunch, she mentioned her idea of keeping hangover potion on hand to her friends. She made a point not to let any of the Marauders overhear. Merlin only knew what Sirius and James would do with black market potions.

"I don't know," said Nadia, "The school's got kind of strict rules about potion possession."

"It's also got strict rules about alcohol possession, but no one follows that either," said Alice. "Couldn't hurt. Do you have the ingredients?"

"I don't know," said Lily. "But anything I don't have, I can easily get from Slughorn's stores."

"That'd go well," said Alice. "'Hi Professor, I was wondering if I could have some valerian root sprigs? It's for a hangover potion. You know how much of a bitch firewhisky can be. Thanks!'"

"I'd be a little sneakier than that," said Lily.

"Would you, though?"

Lily laughed. Still, she had what was essentially free reign of the potions room. And she liked the possibility of having a veritable font of handy potions in the dorm. She decided to look into the idea before too much homework started piling up.

Unfortunately, though, work started piling up that very day. Professor Flitwick assigned a foot-long essay about shield charms, and Professor McGonagall assigned a sixteen-inch essay about the complications of transfiguring the animate into the inanimate and vice versa. By the time dinner rolled around, Lily was wondering whether she shouldn't go to the library that night to get a jump on things.

She invited Remus along; he was the only other one she could count on to be diligent enough to start that night. He still looked to be in less than tip-top shape, but he was eager all the same.

They went after dinner and found the place practically deserted. Lily couldn't say she was particularly surprised; few Hogwarts students ever wanted to do work on the first day of term.

Since they had their pick of tables, Lily and Remus sat over by the window, where they could see the dark outline of the lake. The moon was already up, hanging just above the tree line of the Forbidden Forest. Lily saw that it was, indeed, just coming off of being full.

"What would you prefer to start on?" asked Remus.

"Charms, definitely. It's shorter," said Lily.

They each took a different section of the library and set about grabbing a couple of books. Lily found two which seemed helpful, both of them from the section about magical self-defense. She looked down the row and noticed she was very near the historical section. Perhaps it wouldn't be a bad place to look if she wanted to figure out what she had heard the other night.

A quick look across the library told her that Remus was still looking for books. Lily went towards the historical section. She scanned the shelves, not entirely sure what she was looking for. She figured that she would know a helpful title when she saw one. The issue with the Hogwarts library, however, was that there were a fair amount of books with no title at all.

Luckily for her, there was still a copy of _Hogwarts, A History_ on the bookshelf. It seemed the best place to start if she wanted to know anything about the noise that had dragged her out of bed two nights ago. She tucked it underneath the two books she had grabbed for research and returned to the table.

Remus came back with three books in his arms. Lily took them from him and set them down next to her own. She looked Remus up and down, assessing his superficial health. He looked a little better than he had yesterday; such was always the case after a full moon.

They both set to work flipping through indexes and reading passages of the books they had gotten. Lily's mind began to wander back to that morning. After a few minutes of silence, she closed her book and turned to Remus.

"Does Potter still fancy me?" she asked.

Remus looked at her, clearly surprised by the question, and rubbed at the back of his neck. He said, "Yeah, I suppose so. Why do you ask?"

Lily shrugged. "Just wondering. He walked me to potions today, is all."

"He thinks he's charming," said Remus.

"And I used to think I was a kangaroo when I was little. It's called fantasy for a reason."

After that, they continued to work for about an hour and a half, sharing research and notes. Lily managed to get almost all of her essay drafted in that time. Around eight thirty, she decided to pack it in for the night.

"You should come back, too," she said to Remus.

He waved her off. "I've just got a paragraph left. I won't be too late, I promise."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Be good to yourself, Remus. I worry about you."

She put a hand on his shoulder. He put his hand on top of hers and gave her a smile. Then Lily put her bag over her shoulder and went out of the library. She stopped on the way out to sign out the copy of _Hogwarts, A History_ with Madam Pince.

The walk back to Gryffindor Tower was quiet. The halls were surprisingly empty, given that it was the first night of term. Ordinarily, the older students stayed in the halls as close to curfew as they could.

As Lily climbed a staircase, her skirt rode up a little, and she stopped to right it. She heard footsteps behind her. Turning around, she saw no one there.

She slowly reached toward her pocket for her wand. She drew it out, pointed it in front of her, and thought, _Homenum revelio_. Sure enough, she saw a slight, golden aura a few steps below. Keeping her eye on that spot, Lily made her way back down the staircase. She brought a hand into the air, trying to grasp for something.

Something gripped her wrist. All thoughts of magic aside, Lily shoved her wand hand forward. She felt it make contact with something, and then she heard an "oomph" and some laughter.

James Potter suddenly came into sight; he stumbled back against the railing. Vaguely relieved but still miffed, Lily put her wand in her pocket and then promptly whacked James with her schoolbag. Her schoolbag had what was by no means insignificant heft to it.

"Ouch, watch it, Evans!" James said. "You're going to knock me down the stairs!"

"What the hell, Potter?!" she shouted, whacking him again. "Nearly scared me out of my bloody mind!"

"Ouch, ouch, you can stop now! I'm sorry. Stand down!" said James.

Lily stopped. She let her bag fall to her side and put her hands on her waist. She looked at Potter for a moment, deciding whether to waste the time chastising him.

"You got the time, Potter?" she asked.

"The what?" he replied, clearly confused.

"The time. It was almost curfew when I left the library."

"No, can't say I do. Almost coming up on nine, I imagine. It's why I brought my…my wand," he finished lamely. He had clearly meant to say something else.

Lily turned and headed up the stairs; James fell into step beside her.

"I didn't mean anything by it, Evans," he explained. "I just thought it might be funny."

"Yes, very amusing, Potter," she huffed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

She muttered a small thanks, since his apology did seem vaguely sincere. She thought back to what Remus had said in the library earlier, about James really thinking he was charming. She couldn't help but thoroughly disagree with the notion.

"So what had you up and about so late?" asked James.

"Library. Working on the transfiguration essay," said Lily.

"You continue not to surprise me, Evans. I was almost hoping you'd say you were getting up to some sort of shenanigans. Pranking the Slytherins, or perhaps cavorting with a gentleman lover. Of course, I'd be a bit jealous if it were the one about the secret lover."

"I don't have a secret lover, Potter. I was just working with Remus in the library, so quite the opposite. And can't you just mind your own business?"

"Ah, since when have you ever known me to mind my own business, Evans?"

"Never."

"Right you are."

Lily heard a clock chime somewhere. She stopped and counted: nine times.

"Oh bugger," she muttered. "That's curfew."

Gryffindor Tower was still about ten minutes away. No doubt, Filch would be on the prowl for students out of bed on the first night of term.

"You're a prefect. Aren't you lot allowed to be out later than the rest of us?" said James.

"Yes, but you're not, and prefects can only go out in pairs. Can you cast a disillusionment charm again?"

"Again?"

"That's how you snuck up on me, right?"

"Um…yeah. Listen, that was just a stroke of good luck that it worked. If something went wrong…"

"I'll do it myself. You'd better not sneak off somewhere else, Potter. Straight up to the dorms, you hear me? I'll dock you points if I have to."

"No, you won't," he said with a grin. "You've spent the past year and a half not docking me points. You're not about to start now."

"Maybe I am," said Lily.

She glared at him; he smiled. Lily shook her head and left him behind as she went up the stairs.

"Oi, Evans!" James called out behind her.

Lily turned to face him. "What is it, Potter?"

"You look beautiful," he said, with a wink. Then he leapt down the steps, most likely heading toward some kind of trouble.

Lily rolled her eyes. Then, before the minute hand could get much further past twelve, she ran the rest of the way to Gryffindor Tower.

The common room was still busy when Lily came through the portrait hole. She ignored Sirius's attempts to wave her over to where he sat, playing wizard's chess with Peter.

Upstairs in the dorm, Lily walked into the bathroom as Alice was walking out of it. Alice had a towel wrapped around her torso and another pressed against her short brown hair. She smiled when she saw Lily and asked what had kept her so long.

"Working in the library with Remus," explained Lily.

"That long? I'm getting a little suspicious of you two. Might 'prefect rounds' not be a code for something else?" Alice joked. She waggled her eyebrows up and down.

"Definitely not. Even if I wanted to, there's no way he would when Potter's still got it for me."

"Still?"

Lily briefly explained what had occurred on the way back from the library. Alice listened with amusement. Once Lily finished, Alice said, "He called you beautiful?"

"Alice!" Lily groaned.

"Just seems a bit charming, is all," said Alice, with a shrug.

Merlin, thought Lily, did everyone in the world find Potter more charming than she did?


	4. Regarding Potions

To be honest, James would have rather gone the rest of the way with Lily back to Gryffindor Tower. Her charming company aside, he had thought of maybe getting into his nice, warm bed sometime soon. But his impetuous tendencies that always surfaced around Evans had other ideas.

So he took the scenic route around Hogwarts while he thought of what sort of shenanigans he could get up to. He didn't have the map with him, which was a shame, but he had the cloak in case of trouble. Not that he'd run into trouble; it was more likely he would be the one causing it.

There was no sense going back to the kitchens, since he'd been on his way back from grabbing a snack when he ran into Lily. And the odds of clocking in some time in a broom cupboard with some girl were disappointingly low for this time of night. Granted, James could make it happen if he wanted to. But his head was filled with red hair and his side still ached from Lily's book bag, and it was moments like these when he always tried to convince himself that his momentary lack of desire to kiss other girls was entirely coincidental.

Padfoot never bought it. And quite frankly, James was beginning to have his doubts at this point, too.

And so it was thoughts of Lily that led James to an optimal spot for mischief. He didn't know how he got down to the dungeons so quickly, but while he was here, he may as well make the best of it.

* * *

Slughorn was back in class by Wednesday morning, and Lily noticed he looked even worse than he had the last time she saw him. His hair was disheveled (what little of it he still had), his clothing looked dirty, and he had already begun sweating by the beginning of class. Everyone else pulled their hands into their sleeves to keep off the cold.

Slughorn got them started with work faster than on a usual day. His instructions for the class were brusque, and he stammered through what little he said. Lily was hardly the only one to notice a difference in the professor's behavior, but she was the only one who knew it wasn't an isolated incident.

Just as she had on Monday, Lily went up to get ingredients for Alice and herself. As she waited in line, she purposely placed herself near enough Slughorn's desk to talk to him.

"Hello, Professor," she said. She had a certain chipper voice that she reserved specially for Slughorn. She'd spent a lot of time over the years convincing herself that it wasn't her brown-nosing voice. "I hope my work over break has made the start of term a bit easier on you."

"Yes, I'm sure," said Slughorn distractedly. He didn't look up from the paper on his desk.

"How have you been lately?" she asked, trying again. "I noticed you weren't in class on Monday. It made me wonder whether you hadn't caught what I had over Christmas."

"Miss Evans, I believe you have a potion that needs preparing, do you not?" said Slughorn.

Oh yes, something was most definitely up with Slughorn. Lily tried to surreptitiously get a peek at what he was reading, but a few upside-down words told her it was simply an article about potioneering. She decided to walk away before he got too testy.

Lily and Alice took their time today making sure their potion was as perfect as possible. Given the less-than-one-hundred-percent they'd given on Monday, they both wanted to compensate. They had reputations to uphold when it came to getting good marks. Granted, Lily's less-than-one-hundred-percent was still far above most students' standard.

Nadia and Fran sat behind Lily, whispering and laughing as they made their potion. Lily found her friends' newly romantic behavior rather sweet, but being around couples made her feel something she couldn't entirely explain.

Throughout class, Lily made a point never to look toward the Slytherins who sat to her right. Since Lily's falling out with Snape, the two of them had an unspoken arrangement wherein they each stayed in their own territory and neither of them instigated anything. It had held up well thus far.

The other Slytherins, however, had no such arrangement. The moment they saw Fran kiss Nadia on the cheek, a whisper went through them that turned into something vile.

"Hey Watkins," said Avery. His tone could generously be considered a stage-whisper at best. "You like girls now? Did some bloke break your little heart over break?"

Lily had been chopping some valerian root sprigs, but she stopped, knife still in hand.

"I'm surprised they let dykes like you come here," said Mulciber.

Alice was still attempting to work, albeit very slowly. Fran and Nadia were both silent and still and had fire in their eyes.

"Hey, you deaf or something? Fucking look at me, you dykes," said Mulciber.

"You want me to look at you?" Fran said, rather loudly. She stood up and slammed her hands on her desk. "I'll fucking look at you. And then I'll jamb this knife through your goddamn eye socket. Is that what you want?"

"Sit down, Miss Reynolds! And twenty points from Gryffindor for your language!" called Slughorn.

Fran waited a few seconds before she obeyed. Even then, she did it slowly, and with a huff she crossed both her arms and legs.

"I'd like to see you try," Alecto said. "All of you Gryffindors have shit aim. Why the hell do they even let you into this school in the first place?"

"Why did they ever let you come back, you cow?" said Lily.

"Oh, the mudblood's getting angry," said Avery. "Watch out."

"Say it again," said Lily. "Say that bloody word again."

"What word?" taunted Avery.

Lily stood and reached a hand for her wand, but Avery was faster. He had his wand in hand and pointed at Lily before she even got a finger on hers.

"Five points from Gryffindor! Miss Evans, sit down or I will start giving detentions," said Slughorn.

Lily did not sit down. She turned to face the front of the room and pointed at Avery.

"But Professor," she began, "It was –"

"No arguments," said Slughorn.

"But –"

"Five more points from Gryffindor."

Lily slumped back in her seat. The Slytherins fell silent, but only for a few minutes. Just as Lily and Alice began to get a good work flow going once more, they heard hisses coming from the Slytherins.

"I'm curious, Watkins," said Mulciber, doing his half-assed stage whisper once more. "What the fuck messed you up so bad that you're into that mudblood?"

And then Sirius walked over. He had, evidently, been listening this whole time (it was hard for anyone nearby not to overhear). His stride was slow and loping, like he was just coming over to chat. He kept his hands in his pockets. His expression was blank. He stopped in front of Mulciber's and Snape's cauldron.

"Don't fuck with my friends," he said simply.

Then he stuck his hands into the fire beneath their cauldron and upended the damn thing. The unfinished shrinking solution poured out onto Mulciber and Snape, and the two of them leapt out of their seats, howling and shouting. Sirius strutted back to his seat, smiling at his own nerve. Lily looked on in awe; her jaw hung open and her eyes went wide.

"Bloody hell," said Fran.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor, Black!" hollered Slughorn. "And detention every night this week!"

Lily wondered whether Slughorn thought detention had any effect on Sirius Black by this point. The bloke actually grinned when he heard his punishment. Merlin, it was as if he fed off of trouble.

At the end of the period as they all left the classroom, Nadia tried to persuade Sirius to let her take a look at his burned hands. He wasn't having it.

"You shoved your hands into a bloody fire, Black! Let me look!"

Sirius put his hands in the pockets of his school robes. "Poppy can fix them up just fine. I don't need you grabbing at me. Merlin knows there's already plenty of girls lining up to do that."

Nadia rolled her eyes, but she still didn't stop pestering Sirius until he went up to the hospital wing. He came into lunch halfway through with his hands good as new. He said Mulciber and Snape were still up there having Madam Pomfrey sort them out. And then he proceeded to muse, not so subtly, about whether the nurse would be able to tell what had been shrunk by the potion and what was naturally like that.

Fran was conspicuously quiet during lunch, although no one had to guess at the cause. Nadia, on the other hand, was in such a mood she probably could have punched a house elf without remorse.

"I can't believe those shitbrains," she muttered. She stabbed a sausage and bit the end off rather savagely. Lily thought she noticed Peter and Remus cross their legs under the table.

"It's not surprising they were such pricks today," said Frank. "Have you heard what someone did outside of the Slytherin common room?"

They all shook their heads no.

"Caterwauling charm. Anyone sets foot in the corridor outside their common room, and the Slytherins get quite the earful," explained Frank. "It explains why Avery and Mulciber were worse than usual today."

"This wasn't worse than usual, Frank," said Lily. "They're always this horrible. Don't try to excuse it."

"I'm not excusing it," said Frank. "Just thought it made for some bad timing. If I'd been either of you" – he nodded his head at Fran and Nadia – "I would've knocked him upside the head with his own cauldron. Repeatedly."

"Well, Sirius came pretty close," said Alice.

Sirius beamed at what, in his head, constituted a compliment. On the way to Transfiguration later, Lily made a point to remind Sirius he had plenty of reason not to be pleased about this.

"You've got detention every night this week," she said. "We've not even been back a week."

"Evans, this is how I can tell you haven't been in detention with Slughorn before. See, Slughorn is the sort of notoriously lazy character who will leave his detention-ees in a classroom without supervision. You can probably imagine where I'm going with this," said Sirius.

Lily could think of several possibilities, but all of them were highly unlikely and would probably result in more detention. She said, "I'm drawing a blank."

"Well," said Sirius, unable to suppress a small chuckle, "Let's just say that once word gets around that I'll be in detention, there will be at least one charming young lady who will be more than happy to take a dive if it means being in my company for a few hours."

Lily stopped. She put a hand in front of her open mouth, half-amazed at Sirius's cleverness and half-disgusted.

"You shag on the potions desks?!" she exclaimed.

Sirius shushed her and put a hand over her mouth. He whispered, "Merlin, you made it sound so crass. And don't bandy that about. I can't have you upsetting the natural balance."

"The natural balance of your sex life?"

"That's right."

"You're un-bloody-believable."

"That's right."

Slughorn's odd behavior irked Lily all day. The man was rather dear to Lily, and she thought she had good reason to be concerned. And so around eight o'clock, she was in the corridor right outside Slughorn's office. She passed by the suit of armor which had hidden her earlier in the week, going over her lie in her head. 'Professor, I think I left my book in your classroom.' Nice and innocent, and studious to boot.

The door to Slughorn's office was closed. Lily knocked once, twice, thrice politely. She heard no response. She knocked again.

"Go away!" shouted Slughorn.

Did he know it was her? He couldn't possibly.

Lily heard him muttering, and then she heard a second voice. Perhaps he was meeting with another teacher. Lily told herself that she should just leave; it was the smarter option. She was a prefect and therefore had no business snooping on a professor.

Respectful prefect that she was, she stooped and put her eye to the keyhole. She saw very little, but she could plainly see that Slughorn's desk chair was empty. It didn't look like there was a second person in the office, let alone Slughorn himself.

Suddenly, Lily heard a loud cry from inside. She flung open the door and saw Slughorn sitting on the floor next to the fireplace. He clutched his head in his hands like a man gone insane and muttered wildly to himself. His wand lay beside him on the floor.

"Professor, what's wrong? What do you need?" asked Lily, not in her usual Slughorn voice. This was the tone she had used when Petunia had started choking once. This was the tone she had used when her father had collapsed and not woken up. This was the tone she had used when Potter hung Snape up by his ankle after their OWLs.

"Leave!" cried out Slughorn. "Get away!"

"What's wrong? I can help you, I promise," insisted Lily. "Should I get Dumbledore?"

"No, no! Please, just leave me be!" wailed Slughorn.

He looked like a marble in a hanky. He rolled around on the floor, twisting his body back and forth. He seemed to be trying to back farther against the wall, but there was nowhere to go. He began tugging at his hair and mustache, and he clawed at his cheeks. Lily didn't know what to do. Was she supposed to restrain him, or perhaps go get Madam Pomfrey? Merlin, the man was in shambles like Lily had never seen before.

"I'm going to go get Professor Dumbledore. Stay here, Professor," said Lily. She put a hand out as she spoke, as if she were telling a puppy to stay put.

She left the room and ran full speed toward Dumbledore's office. Once she arrived at the gargoyle, she realized she had no clue what the password was.

"Please, let me in! It's urgent!" she cried at the stone mammoth.

No response.

"Please, something is wrong with Professor Slughorn! I need Dumbledore's help!"

The gargoyle moved aside, and Lily stepped into the staircase, which immediately began to move under her feet. She ran up the steps even as it moved, and she arrived at the door at the top in only a few steps. She knocked on the door loudly.

"Please, Professor, something is wrong with Professor Slughorn!" she called out.

She continued to bang in vain for a few minutes until finally, the door opened, and Professor Dumbledore stood there with a grave look on his face and his wand in his hand.

"Show me the way," he said without prelude.

"He's in his office," said Lily.

The two of them hurried down the steps and then toward Slughorn's office. Dumbledore did not run, but he walked briskly enough and his legs were long enough that Lily had to jog to keep up. When they reached Slughorn's office, the potions master was exactly where Lily had left him. She noticed, however, that the fireplace had been bricked up in her absence. Slughorn's wand no longer lay next to him on the floor.

"Horace, can you speak?" asked Dumbledore.

"Please, no," cried Slughorn. "Leave me be!"  
"I am going to bring you to Madam Pomfrey," said Dumbledore. He turned to address Lily. "Miss Evans, help me get Horace to his feet."

They each crouched to the floor and gripped one of Slughorn's arms. The professor resisted against their grasp.

"No, no, let me stay here," he wailed.

"Professor, please. Let us help you," said Lily quietly.

"No, Lily, you need to leave," he said. "You need to leave right now!"

"I will, once you get to the hospital wing. I promise," she said.

Slughorn grabbed her shoulder and looked her in the eye. Quietly, seriously, he said, "Swear to me you will leave."

His sudden stillness gave Lily pause. She wondered whether Slughorn would attempt to hold her to this. "I swear."

Slughorn nodded. Lily and Dumbledore helped him rise to his feet, as if they were lifting an overstuffed ragdoll, and then kept a hold on him as they escorted him the long way to the hospital wing. There, they laid him down on a bed, and Dumbledore went to fetch Madam Pomfrey. Once the nurse came out of her office, she shooed Lily and Dumbledore away.

"I can set him right, no problem," said Madam Pomfrey. "What he needs is peace and quiet."

"Of course, Madam Pomfrey. I bid you good night, and good luck," said Dumbledore.

"And you as well."

Dumbledore showed Lily out of the hospital wing and back into the corridor.

"Professor Slughorn is going to be okay, isn't he?" asked Lily.

"I have every confidence in Madam Pomfrey's abilities," said Dumbledore. "You should return to your dormitory, Miss Evans. I trust you know the way on your own?"

"I do. Goodnight, Professor Dumbledore."

"Goodnight. And Miss Evans, do be sure to keep this to yourself. Horace would be mortified if word of this were spread around."

"Of course, Professor."

* * *

Sirius returned from detention around eleven o'clock. The common room was empty, save for James, who was working at a table in the corner. His work ethic could be good when called upon, but it was seldom timely.

Sirius came through the portrait hole, and James shut the book he had been using for research.

"How was detention?" asked James with a grin. He was well aware of Sirius's arrangement.

"Blonde and feisty, thanks for asking," said Sirius. "How goes the work?"

"Dull. Unimpressive. Like your love life."

Sirius gave a low whistle. "Low blow, mate, low blow. And let's be fair: you are hardly in any position to play that card."

"I've had girlfriends," protested James.

"Not in a while. When was the last time you had a good snog?"

James shrugged and ruffled his hair. "True, it's been a while. That's entirely my own choice, though."

"Yeah, your choice because of Evans."

James went red, although he'd fervently deny it. In a very transparent attempt to change the subject, he said, "So potions today. I've got to say, you've got quite a pair on you, Padfoot."

"Calling some Slytherins out on their shit doesn't require having a pair, Prongs," said Sirius. "It's just protecting your own. And speaking of the Slytherins, you wouldn't happen to know who it was who pulled that clever prank on them, would you?"

"Of course not," said James. "Who do you think I am, some kind of trickster?"

They both laughed. Sirius went over and clapped his friend on the shoulder. He said, "Well done, mate. That was a good one. Wish I could've been part of it."

"Eh, it was a spur of the moment thing. I only stayed out late to spite Evans," said James.

"And so it comes back to the redheaded bird. Oh, how I miss the days when I would have found this surprising."

James elbowed Sirius in the gut. "Git."

Sirius retaliated with a shove to James's head.

"I feel bad for Fran and Nadia, though," said James. "You think the prank was what lodged those sticks up Avery and Mulciber's asses?"

"Yes, I think you're completely to blame for the Slytherins being a bunch of homophobic pricks."

"I'm serious, Padfoot. I wouldn't have done it if I'd known they'd take it out on Fran and Nadia."

"I'm serious too, Prongs. It's not your fault. Now quit being diligent with your books and let's go wake up Peter. I've got an idea."

As they went up to their dorm, James could have sworn he heard someone knocking at the portrait hole. But it was probably just Peeves.


	5. Go On Denying

On Thursday morning, the front headline of the Daily Prophet read, _Eight Dead in Gloucester Attack_. Lily read the details aloud to her friends.

Gloucester was home to a wizarding bar known as the Beetle's Eye. Three eye witness accounts said that two cloaked men had walked into the bar late the previous night and did not walk out. In the morning, a friend of the barkeep went in to check on things and found eight bodies on the ground. None of the bodies showed signs of violence; some still had their wands in their hands.

"Four of them were muggleborn," said Lily. "Including the owner."

The last attack in the papers had been two weeks ago; the death toll was six. The deaths kept multiplying, and it was growing harder for Lily to ignore what she would be walking into once she left Hogwarts in a year and a half. She couldn't just return to the muggle world. Even holidays over the past few years hadn't been able to keep her away from the ongoing issues.

Luckily, the mail showed up soon to take everyone's mind off of the attack. One of the school owls dropped an envelope in front of Lily marked with muggle postage stamps. Lily's mum didn't entirely understand how wizards delivered mail.

Lily opened the letter and read. Her mum was doing well (she claimed), Petunia was dating some nice young fellow (she claimed), and everyone missed Lily back home (except Petunia). Nonetheless, Lily was happy to hear from her mum. Merlin knew Petunia hadn't bothered to write her a letter since her first year at Hogwarts.

After breakfast, Lily and her friends arrived in front of the transfiguration classroom just as Professor McGonagall did. They all filed into the room and took their usual seats. Lily sat next to Alice, and Fran seated herself beside Nadia. The guys sat all the way in the back, as per usual.

Professor McGonagall walked around to collect homework. While she did so, she called on students at random to ask questions.

"Mister Beauregard, what is the most common mistake made when turning the inanimate into the animate?"

"Focusing on superficial appearance instead of internal organs."

"Miss Watkins, name two factors that influence the degree of difficulty with animate to inanimate transfiguration."

"Weight and viciousness."

"Mister Potter, please stop talking."

"Gamp's Law, Professor."

Everyone laughed. Lily turned around to look. James had a shit-eating grin on his face, which he usually did in McGonagall's class. The Professor, however, looked less than amused. Essays from the class in hand, she went to the front of the room and began writing on the board.

"Well, Mister Potter, since you've gotten us started on the subject, name the five exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental transfiguration," said McGonagall.

"Well, I know you can't conjure food," said James.

McGonagall began filling that in next to a "1." on the board, but the chalk lines began to rearrange themselves. McGonagall didn't seem to notice until she had finished writing that line.

"Continue, Potter," she said as she wrote.

"Um, Professor…?" said Lily, putting a shy hand in the air.

Professor McGonagall stepped back and realized what was now written on the board: Fancy a pint?

McGonagall turned around to face the class. Her mouth was a thin line, barely discernible in the lines of her aging face. Her eyes bespoke detention, disembowelment, and probably much worse.

"What prankster," she began, "Decided it would be amusing to charm my chalkboard?"

She received no answer but silence.

"The perpetrator has until the end of the period to step forward. If someone is honest enough to do so, I will only take points."

Again, silence. McGonagall sighed. She waved her wand, and cushions appeared on all of their desks.

"Change partners from the usual – I expect all of you to get up and switch seats. Then practice transfiguring these into rabbits and back."

Chairs squeaked and scraped on the floor as everyone got up to change partners. Alice got up, but Lily stayed seated. Nadia and Fran, she noticed, covertly moved to the back of the room to keep McGonagall noticing they were staying in their usual pair. There went Lily's usual alternate.

Lily turned to look at the back of the room; perhaps Remus would work with her. But a second later, she realized a different Marauder had slid into the seat next to her.

"Get up, Potter," she said.

"Make me."

Lily glared. James grinned.

"Fancy a pint, Evans?" he said.

Lily rolled her eyes and swatted him on the shoulder. "It was you? Why am I not surprised, you prat?"

"Because a prat I may be, but I am also a charming prat," he said. "And that's not a no."

"But this is: no."

"Come now, Evans, give a bloke a chance. I went to all the trouble of charming the chalkboard."

He waved his wand, and the cushion turned into a rabbit.

"Yes, because I find delinquency to be such a turn-on."

She waved her wand, and the rabbit turned back into the cushion. It looked redder than the original had.

"You can't keep denying that we've got chemistry, Evans."

He turned the cushion back into a rabbit.

"The only chemistry you've got is a head full of boron, Potter."

He looked at her, puzzled. "I think you mispronounced 'boring.'"

"No, it's…it's a muggle thing. Part of chemistry. It's hard to explain," she said. "Either way, the answer is still no, Potter. Always has been, always will be."

"Explain the boron thing to me, though," he said.

"Potter…" It was somewhat of a growl, and her voice went up at the end in reproach.

He put his hand over hers and extracted her wand. He laid it down on the table and then angled himself to fully face Lily.

"Teach me about muggle things," he said, smiling like a child.

"You're kidding," said Lily.

"Not in the slightest. We've already transfigured our cushion. Do you really think we need more practice?"

Lily looked at the cushion and at her wand. She did more or less have the hang of it already. And James, for all his faults, was excellent at transfiguration.

"Fine, I suppose slacking off for one class couldn't hurt. How much do you know about science?"

James shrugged. "It's the stuff with the bottles and equations, yeah?"

"Oh, Merlin," Lily muttered. She looked skyward for a moment, giving a silent prayer for her sanity. Then she looked back at James and tried her best to explain chemistry.

"Well, science is how muggles get by without magic. And there's a branch of science called chemistry. It's all about what stuff is made of."

"Like, wood and metal?"

"Kind of, but not really. Because everything's made of much smaller stuff than we can see, called atoms."

Lily hadn't had muggle schooling beyond when she was ten years old. Her mother, however, was adamant that she have a functioning knowledge of muggle academia. And so Lily's summers were usually spent in libraries and at home, reading lightly into all of the subjects she should have been learning in normal school. Math, however, her mother let her skip, given her excellent marks in arithmancy.

And so Lily, with her rudimentary knowledge of chemistry, explained the basics of the field to James over the remaining time in class. He did seem genuinely interested in the topic, smiling and nodding a lot and asking the occasional question.

Once everyone began packing up, James said, "So explain the boron joke to me."

Lily shrugged. "It's one of the elements. It starts with 'bore.' I figured it fit."

Lily pushed her hair back with one hand and slung her school bag over her shoulder. She waved a casual goodbye to James and went to the front of the room to wait for her friends.

"Miss Evans, a word," called McGonagall, as her students filed out of the room.

Lily went over to the Professor's desk. McGonagall gestured for her to wait until everyone had left the classroom. Alice looked at Lily to signal she was going to wait, but Lily waved her off.

"I won't be long," she called over to Alice.

Alice nodded and then hurried out of the room.

Lily turned to face Professor McGonagall. The middle-aged woman pulled her spectacles off of her face and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"I will never," she began, "Understand why students insist on pulling these practical jokes. Miss Evans, I trust you would tell me if you knew who did this?"

Lily nodded. "Of course, Professor."

"And?"

Lily looked at the board once more. "Fancy a pint?" it asked. She read the words in Potter's voice.

"No one stepped forward, Miss Evans. Do you know who did this?"

"No, Professor, sorry. I can't say that I do."

McGonagall sighed. "I noticed that you worked with Mister Potter today. Do watch out for that boy."

"What do you mean, Professor?"

"I don't entirely know. But he certainly is a force of nature. Too smart for anyone else's good. You may go, Miss Evans. I wouldn't want to keep you from your next class."

Lily said goodbye and left the room. She didn't bother walking quickly to get to arithmancy. Professor Vector favored Lily too much to ever get mad at her.

"Potter asked me out again today."

"No kidding? So was he the one who charmed McGonagall's board, then?"

"What do you think?" It wasn't a yes, but nor was it a no.

"Merlin, that bloke. Always getting into it, isn't he?"

The library was sparsely occupied. Lily and Alice had a table to themselves, with empty tables to either side of them. They didn't bother keeping their voices terribly low, except for when they noticed Madam Pince making her rounds. Their charms essays lay unfinished on the table in front of them.

"I wound up explaining muggle chemistry to him. Not quite sure how, but he seemed interested," said Lily.

"Yeah, I bet there was chemistry," said Alice, waggling her eyebrows a bit.

Lily shoved her friend on the arm. "Don't be thick, Alice. Potter's the last bloke I'd ever want to have chemistry with."

"Maybe, maybe not. But he's always been ass-over-ankles for you, and you've got that I-hate-your-guts things going for him that would translate so, so easily into angry sex."

Lily paused and put a hand in front of her mouth. She joked, "I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit."

"You can't deny he's pretty fit, Lily."

"I really don't want to be having this conversation."

"Fine, fine. Deny it all you like."

"Nothing to deny. But what about you? Since you seem so keen about my love life…"

"There was a bloke over break. His name was Evan. He was nice. We snogged. I came back to school. Possibly to be continued, but I don't know. I'm not making any effort to keep up with things."

"Why not?"

Alice shrugged. "I'm not really interested in dating right now. Evan was nice, but I just prefer being on my own."

"Makes sense." Lily felt that thing in her stomach again, gravitating everything towards it. She envied Alice her whatever-it-was that enabled her to be at peace with her singlehood.

"You've got prefect rounds tonight, yeah?" asked Alice.

"Yeah, I'm patrolling with Remus," said Lily. "I think I'm scheduled to patrol with one of the Hufflepuffs in a few days."

"Damn Hufflepuffs. Their quidditch team is good this year."

"How good?"

"Possibly better than ours."

"Impossible."

"That was my first thought. But they've got a new seeker, and from what I hear, she's good. And she's a third year."

"Damn youngsters, ruining the season."

"Old woman Evans gets really fired about quidditch, I see. Got any hard candy in your school bag for me?"

"Shut up."

Lily pulled one of the books toward her and started working again. Alice, however, poked at her arm and kept teasing her. With a sigh, Lily accepted that no genuine work was occurring, and was likely to continue not occurring.

Fran was all legs and lips and hair when she got dressed up. The rest of the time, she was just all legs. She was by no means a short girl, and she towered over her girlfriend (the word still gave her butterflies, although she'd deny it) by about a half a foot. The difference, however, was negligible when they were lying in bed.

Nadia was the little spoon. Height-wise, it just made sense. But more than that, Fran was the more protective one of them. She liked wrapping an arm around Nadia and feeling like they had set aside their own little private part of the world, even if that private part of the world had other roommates. But Lily and Alice weren't due back from the library for at least an hour.

Nadia put her hand over Fran's where it curled around her stomach. Fran pressed a kiss to the junction of Nadia's neck and shoulder, where her tank top shifted aside to expose a bit of skin.

"Did it bother you?" asked Fran.

"Did what?" replied Nadia.

"Potions yesterday. What the Slytherins said."

"Of course it did. Why, you aren't worried about them, are you?"

Fran didn't reply. She just turned her head into the pillow and tilted her head forward. Nadia's thick, brown hair brushed against her cheeks and nose.

"Fran?"

"They called you a dyke," she said quietly.

"And then you threatened to stab them in the eye socket. People say shit. It passes," said Nadia.

"I guess."

Nadia shifted so that she was leaning on her arms and then turned her body so she could face Fran. Her eyes were wide and her brow furrowed.

"You don't need to worry about them," said Nadia. "Or me. The Slytherins are all talk."

"Except for when they're not. You know what they turn into once they leave this place. I'm muggleborn and bisexual. I have good cause to worry."

Nadia put a hand against Fran's cheek. She said, "The time we've got left here will feel like forever, Fae. We've got time to ignore what's going on in the rest of the world. Just be here with me, yeah?"

Fran tilted her head against Nadia's palm. She smiled and said, "I'm here with you."

"Good."

Nadia sat up properly. Then she leaned forward and kissed Fran. Her hand went to the back of Fran's neck. Fran grabbed Nadia's other hand and entwined their fingers. They didn't stop kissing each other.

Their roommates were not due back for a while.

Lily put on her pajama pants and hitched up the legs a little, to keep them from dragging on the damp bathroom floor. She wiped away some of the fog on the mirror, and then she leaned in close to get a look at her face. She noticed a few new bumps along her right cheek. She poked at one of them before reminding herself they'd go away faster if she didn't touch them.

She spent a few minutes pressing a towel to her wet hair. As she did, she made a mental checklist of the potions ingredients she needed to get on Saturday. Beetle eyes, valerian sprigs, and a few other things.

As she hung her hair towel on a hook, Lily looked at the pale curve of her waist, flowing up into the curve of her breasts and down into obscuration by the waistband of her pajama pants. Lily ran the back of her hand along her waist. She wondered what it would be like if it were someone else's touch. She realized, with slight remorse, that there was no one in particular she wanted touching her like that right now.

She heard a banging at the bathroom door. Lily froze; she hadn't heard it in a few days. Then there was a sharp knocking at the door, and Fran called out to ask if she was decent.

"Just a minute!" she called out.

She reached for her pajama shirt and threw it on. Then she called out for Fran to come in.

Fran wore her pajamas, although she still had on eye makeup from the day. Her eyeliner had leaked into the creases at the outer edges of her eyes. She looked in the mirror, noticed it, and grabbed some toilet paper to wipe away at it. Lily brushed out her shower-tangled hair while her roommate did her nighttime toilette.

Fran pulled a length of floss out of the little white container. She said happily, "Quidditch starts on Saturday."

"Really? You know, Alice was telling me about how good the Hufflepuff team is this year," said Lily.

"Don't even mention it. I can only imagine how hard Potter's going to work us to beat them. I don't think we play them for a while, but you know him and his 'every practice counts' mantra."

"Actually, I don't. I'm not on the team, remember?"

"Yeah, but I make fun of it on a regular basis during the season."

"Honestly, I've kind of learned to tune it out. Your bitching about quidditch gets repetitive."

"So does your bitching about Potter."

"Touché."

Lily ran water over her toothbrush. While she brushed her teeth, she fell into silence while Fran continued talking about quidditch.

"Did you hear something before you came in?" Lily asked, after she spat into the sink.

Fran replied, "It was probably me. I knocked, remember?"

Lily shook her head. "Remember what I told you about that noise I've been hearing?"

"Been hearing? Like, more than once?"

"Mhmm. I could've sworn I heard it before you came in."

"Like I said, Lily, probably just me."

"Probably. But if you hear anything –"

"I'll let you know. You know me, always happy to help."

"You're a regular saint."

"I do what I can."

Lily exited the bathroom with her school robes tucked under her arm. She dumped them in her trunk before she crawled into bed and took _Hogwarts, A History_ off of her nightstand.

Even if she came up with nothing, the book was still worth a reread. She hoped, of course, it would give her some sort of clue. But with what little she had to go on, she doubted it.


	6. A Lot Less Friendly

On Saturday, it snowed. By the time the Hogwarts students made their way down to Hogsmeade, a few inches had gathered on the ground. Lily and Nadia ran part of the way to the village, throwing snowballs at each other as they went. One hit Lily on the side of the head. It covered her red hair in thick, white frost.

Lily stooped and shaped another snowball in her mitten-clad hands. Nadia carried one as well. They stared each other down, until Lily suddenly pointed at something behind Nadia.

"Who's that?" she said.

"As if I'm going to fall for that one," replied Nadia.

A snowball hit Nadia in the center of her back. She whipped around and found Frank Longbottom laughing. He was red-cheeked and wore a knitted cap on his head.

Lily ran farther towards the village. By the time Nadia and Frank caught up to her, she had an arsenal waiting for them. She pelted them until they both called for a truce. Lily still had three snowballs left, so she threw those before she accepted.

The three of them entered the village. Hogsmeade in the snow looked like something out of a fairytale. The gas lanterns illuminated the snowflakes falling around them. Frost covered each window, snow lined every windowsill. Footprints scattered throughout the village indicated in which directions the students had dispersed. Off in the distance, Lily could have sworn she saw a doe.

Frank pointed to the Three Broomsticks and suggested they all grab a drink. Nadia grabbed Lily's arm and tried to drag her along, but Lily waved her off.

"I'll be along in a bit. I have to pick up a few things," said Lily.

"You want me to come along?" asked Nadia.

"No, you and Frank go have fun. I won't be long," said Lily.

She waved goodbye to her friends and headed toward Dogweed and Deathcap. Ominous name aside, it was a good herbology and potion supply store. Moreover, the place was Lily's surest bet for finding the ingredients she needed. She had looked up the recipe last night for a hangover potion. Concocting it would be fairly simple, but the ingredients went way beyond what Lily kept on hand. And thievery was still outside of her moral bounds.

A bell tinkled as Lily entered the shop. The windows were tinted green and blue, making everything feel like a rainforest exhibit at a zoo. Lily waded through aisles of plants ranging from the mundane to the downright zany. She found the potion ingredients at the back of the store. There were barrels and baskets and shelves full of nearly everything Lily had come across in her years at Hogwarts.

"Can I help you find something?" asked a middle-aged man, stepping out from behind a shelf.

Lily supposed him to be the manager. He carried himself with an aura of pride and authority. But he also had a long scar, a couple of inches long at least, running across his left eye. It made his eyelid droop low, obscuring his very-green eyes. His face was jowly and red, but he smiled like a teenage boy.

"Yes, actually. I've a list here somewhere," said Lily.

She opened her bag and rooted around for the scrap of paper on which she'd written what she needed. Once she found it, she pulled it out and handed it to the manager. He looked it over quickly, but only his unscarred eye moved. Lily looked at a nearby Venus flytrap to avoid staring.

"Yes, these shouldn't be any trouble. If you'll just wait a few minutes, I can get them all wrapped up for you," said the man.

Lily thanked him. The man set about scooping and measuring and bagging ingredients. He moved methodically, fluidly; he clearly knew where everything was without having to look.

When he finished, he showed Lily over to the cash register. He rang everything up, and it amounted to four galleons and seven sickles. Lily handed over her money. She decided she wouldn't be able to make a habit of potion-making in the dorm unless she found a cheaper way to get ingredients. She thought she remembered things being cheaper in Diagon Alley, or perhaps it had been when her mother was picking up the tab.

The man handed her the bag. Lily hesitated, and then she said, "Sir? Do you mind if I ask you something?"

The man gave her a knowing look. He said, "It's about my eye, isn't it?"

Lily cast her eyes toward the floor and nodded, vaguely ashamed of being so curious about something probably so personal.

"It's fine," said the man, probably sensing what Lily was thinking. "I get asked all the time. See, I had a run-in with a couple of unsavory folks about a year ago. St. Mungo's healed me up all right, but they couldn't quite fix the scarring. But better this than what's been happening to most muggleborns these days."

Lily's gaze snapped back up to meet the manager's. She said, "Death Eaters did that to you?"

The man shrugged. "I don't know it was Death Eaters that did it, given that they had a knife. But from what they said, I'd put hard money down they were in line with You-Know-Who."

"I'm sorry," said Lily.

"Don't be. Just watch out for yourself, Miss. The world's gotten a lot less friendly than it has been."

Lily nodded. She clutched her brown bag in her hands, said thank you, and left.

Once she got out of the store and into the cheer of the village, Lily's thoughts unclouded from thoughts of the war. She tucked her change into her pocket and decided she'd either have to find another way to get potion ingredients or not brew at all.

Lily wondered whether this wasn't how Potter and his friends started out. It was little things not meant to be malicious that started a person, like brewing a potion to help her friends get over a hangover faster. And from there, it becomes self-serving, and then it escalates into the actively malicious. Before she knew it, Lily would probably find herself in jail.

She didn't even know if there was a wizarding jail aside from Azkaban. She didn't care to find out.

* * *

The quidditch pitch had been blanketed with snow overnight. Flakes still fell from the sky and settled on all of the Gryffindor players. Alice had to shake off her broom before she mounted it; snow had collected in the bristles.

Potter had had them out on the pitch by ten o'clock. He had begun with a rant about how they needed to have the best season yet and that Hufflepuff was threatening their chances at the cup. Alice and Fran had made faces at each other when Potter wasn't looking.

Finally, they all took off on their brooms. Alice hadn't had a chance to ride hers since she got her new one for Christmas. It picked up speed better than anything she'd ridden before. Even in the snow and wind, it felt smooth and speedy, and it handled excellently. Alice did a lap around the pitch before she lined up with the rest of the players.

"Showing off, Buchanan?" Sirius called out to Alice.

"You bet. Like the new broom?" she replied, spinning around once on her broom.

Potter blew a whistle. He ran everyone through their paces, making them fly up and down the quidditch pitch and through the hoops. He set the bludgers loose at one point and made everyone practice evading them. Alice had a close shave at one point; a bludger missed her knee by only a couple of inches.

Whenever Alice flew near the edge of the pitch, she could see Hogsmeade off in the distance. She envied her friends, who were probably having a butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks right then. Meanwhile, she and the rest of the team were freezing their arses off at practice. By noon, the snow had thoroughly soaked through everyone's uniforms. The chasers started missing catches from shivering so badly. Alice, as a rule, never complained about practice conditions, but that didn't stop the rest of the team from needling Potter until he finally let them pack it in for the day.

Alice and Fran went into the girls' locker room, along with fifth year Mary MacDonald, to shower and change. Alice turned the hot water up as high as it would go. She pulled off her uniform and rubbed her hands against her bright-red, very-numb thighs. The shower was a little too hot, and it felt wonderful after being in the cold for so long. Fran and Mary were in the stalls on either side of Alice, and between all three showers, the chill in the air had been dissipated by steam.

By two, Alice and Fran were on their way to Hogsmeade to meet up with the others. Sirius and James lagged behind them, laughing at some joke. Alice shook her head at those idiots. She wondered how it was Potter could be so serious and bossy on the pitch and then revert back to his first-year self so quickly.

* * *

Lily slid into the booth next to Nadia. Frank was nowhere to be seen, but an empty mug indicated where he'd been sitting.

"Where'd Frank go?" asked Lily.

Nadia jerked her head to the left. Lily looked over and saw Frank leaning casually on the bar, talking to someone. Tilting her head a little more, Lily saw a very blonde, very pretty, very curvy woman smiling like a thousand suns.

"He's got it for Rosmerta, I think," said Nadia. "Went up to get another round and hasn't come back in ten minutes."

Lily remembered what Frank had said about Rosmerta being a more than just nice. She wondered whether he was going to pursue her. The woman was four years older than them, but Frank was of age and very mature to boot. He was also more charming than was good for him.

"What did you get?" asked Nadia. She pointed at the paper bag in Lily's hand.

"Potion ingredients," she replied.

"Are you going to start brewing tonight?" asked Nadia.

"I think so. If it goes well, I might try my hand at something else, too. But ingredients are expensive. I don't think I can afford to keep it up very long."

"You could sell part of what you make to finance it."

"I'm not selling black market potions, Nadia. I'm a prefect, remember?"

"If you're a prefect, I'd caution you against breaking the no illicit potions rule in the first place."

"Well, I'm just going to stick to hangover potions, then. It's just for personal use. It's like keeping bandages in the dorm. No harm in it."

Frank appeared at the table with two butterbeers in his hands. He looked surprised to see Lily.

"Sorry, I only got two drinks. I would've gotten a third if I'd known you'd be back by now," he said.

"Lily can have mine," said Nadia. She held up the mug in her hand. "I'm still nursing this one."

"You sure?" asked Lily.

"Go ahead. Besides, I think I just saw my girlfriend come in the door."

Nadia got up to go greet Fran. Lily arched her neck and, sure enough, she saw the Gryffindor quidditch team come in the door. There was Alice, looking red-faced but gleeful; Mary, their seeker; and James and Sirius. The other two members of the team strolled in after them: a fourth year beater, whose talents in life went little beyond hitting things; and the keeper, a seventh year whom Lily had caught multiple times in a broom cupboard.

Lily scooted closer to the middle of the booth to make room for her friends, as did Frank. Lily took the butterbeer he offered her, but she didn't take a drink quite yet.

"So, you and Rosmerta, huh?" she said coyly.

"I haven't the slightest what you're on about," said Frank coolly. His tone and expression told her quite clearly that yes, he did know exactly what she was talking about.

"I guess some blokes do go for older women," she tried again.

"Not that much older. And besides, I'm taller, so it hardly matters."

"So you admit there's something there?"

Frank shrugged. "'Something' is a very vague term. She's pretty and I'm charming. She's fun to talk to, too. Yeah, maybe something'll happen. Maybe something won't."

Alice came over to the booth. She slid in next to Frank while pulling her scarf off of her neck.

"Potter's getting us a round. I think we made him feel guilty about having us out so long in the snow," she said.

"Wonderful," said Lily. "Having a drink with Potter sounds like a right good time."

"Come on, he's not that bad, Lily," said Frank. "You don't have to live with the guy."

"And I hope I never do," she said, pointing her drink at him.

Potter came through a part in the crowd. Sirius stood beside him, and they each had a couple of butterbeers in their hands. Nadia and Fran were right behind them, as were Remus and Peter.

"Got room for a couple more?" asked James.

"We've got plenty of room. Slide me a butterbeer, will you, Captain?" said Alice.

Everyone crammed into the booth, which had seemed roomy up until then. Suddenly Lily found herself pressed in between Frank and James. She had her elbow smushed at an odd angle which only got odder and smushier when she reached for her drink.

"It's not a pint like I suggested, Evans," said James, "But it's something."

"I'll pay you back for it if that's what you think this is," she said coldly.

"Relax, I know it's not a date," he said. "If it were, I'm fairly sure we wouldn't have seven other people with us."

"Unless you're into that kind of thing," she joked quietly.

Frank snorted, and then his hand flew up to stem the flow of butterbeer from his face. Lily couldn't tell whether it was from his mouth or his nose, but his slight groan a moment later told her it was probably his nose. Alice slapped Frank on the back a few times.

James said to Lily, "For the record, I'm not into that kind of thing. And I'm insulted at the insinuation."

"Really? I'm surprised. You seem to be insulted by precious little in this world," said Lily.

"You know, I do try to be nice to you sometimes, in case you hadn't noticed," said James. "I'd appreciate the same courtesy."

Lily looked at him. She said, "Why?"

"Because you're nice to be around when you're being nice."

Lily took a sip of her drink. So did James. She did again, and so did he. They fell into an awkward silence, intruded upon by the clamor of the conversations going on around them. Lily heard Nadia ranting to Remus about the Slytherins again, while Frank and Alice began discussing Gryffindor's chances at the quidditch cup this year. Lily almost forgot that she had been talking to James until he tapped her on the shoulder.

"So how about it?" he said quietly. "I'd like to take a stab at being friends, if you're up for it."

"Maybe 'take a stab' isn't the phrasing you want to use, but yeah," said Lily. "I'm up for it. But you've got to stop asking me out, yeah?"

"Got it. Speaking of which, I assume you got an invitation to Slughorn's party tonight?"

Lily stared blankly at him.

"Aren't you in his Toad Club?" asked James.

"It's Slug Club," corrected Lily, "And yes, I am. I would have known if he was having a party tonight."

"Well, then either he didn't invite you, or he was lying when he told me about it," said James.

Lily was, quite honestly, surprised that Slughorn was up to party planning, given his breakdown the other night. If he was indeed having a party, since James didn't seem to be lying, then maybe he was too embarrassed about what had happened to invite Lily. Then she remembered him making her swear to leave. Had he meant his office, or had he been asking her to leave Hogwarts altogether?

"I need to go," said Lily.

"You're not taking it that seriously, are you?" said James.

"It's not that. I need to speak with Slughorn about something else," she said. "Budge up."

James told Sirius on the other side of him to scoot out, who told Peter to scoot out, who got up and pressed himself against the wall while everyone filed out of the booth.

"Where is everyone going?" asked Alice.

"Just me, Alice. Everyone else is staying here," said Lily.

"Why?"

"I just remembered there's something I need to take care of."

Lily headed for the door. James came with her.

"Seriously, Potter, I can go on my own," she said.

"I know you can go on your own. But I want to walk you up to the castle."

"You think I'm up to something, don't you?" she said.

"Maybe. That, and I know something's definitely up with Slughorn. I'm curious."

Lily sized James up, wondering whether she should let him come along. She figured she could always force him to leave once she found Slughorn, so she gestured for him to follow her out.

It was still snowing outside. Snow settled on James's head and made him look like his hair had greyed over. Lily giggled a little at the thought of grey-haired, wrinkly-faced, knobbly-kneed James.

"What's so funny, Evans?" he asked.

"Nothing, nothing," she said.

Partway up to the castle, James asked, "You didn't rat me out to McGonagall, did you?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Lily.

"In class the other day. She called you over at the end of class. Was it to ask about the blackboard?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"You don't have detention, do you?"

"I guess not."

James grinned at her. It was the sort of grin that said he thought he knew something Lily didn't want him to. She'd seen that grin many times before.

The walk back up to the castle felt longer than it did going toward Hogsmeade. Perhaps it was because Lily had run most of the way earlier, in the heat of her snowball fight. She and James dragged open the heavy double doors of the castle together. As they walked into the entrance hall, Lily pulled her scarf off from around her neck and tucked it into her bag. James shook his head around to get the snow off. Some of it flew onto Lily.

"Watch it!"

"Sorry, Evans," he said. He was still grinning that stupid, impetuous grin.

They went up the stairs towards Slughorn's office. Lily rehearsed in her head what she was going to say, until James interrupted her.

"So am I allowed to know what's been going on?" he asked.

"No, not really," said Lily.

"What, have you been sworn to secrecy or something?" he joked.

"Actually, yes," she said.

James gave a low whistle. "The Old Slug must've gotten himself into something pretty bad, then. Come on, just give me a hint."

"I'd tell you if I knew."

They reached Slughorn's office. Lily took off her coat and slung it over her arm. She instructed James to wait in the hallway, although knowing him, he would probably be listening in the whole time.

She knocked on the door.

"Come in!" called Slughorn.

Lily entered. Slughorn looked like his usual self: ruddy and round. He sat behind his desk, quill in hand and papers on his desk.

"Can I help you, Miss Evans?" he asked.

"Actually, Professor," she said, "I wanted to ask you something."

Lily closed the door behind her and sat in the chair across from Slughorn. She placed her coat and bag on the floor next to her. She looked her professor square in the eye. Her expression was serious.

"Tell me what happened the other night," she said.

"I…I don't know what you mean," said Slughorn. His eyes flicked between Lily and the fireplace. The fireplace, Lily noticed, was back to normal, no longer bricked up.

"I found you having a breakdown. Dumbledore and I brought you to the hospital wing. Something happened. I need you to tell me," she said.

Slughorn sighed. His shoulders lowered, and the lines around his mouth deepened. He set down his quill, shoved his papers away, and leaned back in his chair.

"You're a smart girl, Miss Evans," he said. "You've probably guessed by now some of what happened."

"I know you've gotten a letter from someone," she said. "And I know you were talking to someone the other night. Since you bricked up your fireplace – and don't deny that you did – I'm guessing it was probably through the floo network. If I had to guess, I'd say someone close to you is in danger. Maybe a family member."

"You're close, but not entirely correct," said Slughorn. He suddenly stood up, wand in hand. He looked around the office with suspicion in his eyes. He waved his wand at the door, and then around the room in general, muttering spells beneath his breath. He sat back down.

"Professor?"

"To keep from being overheard," explained Slughorn. "I'm being threatened. There are people who disapprove of my including muggleborns, half-bloods even, in the Slug Club. Not just that: in my classes, in my personal life, what have you.

"I received the first letter over Christmas, and I initially dismissed it as a joke. But then I received another letter just before term started, about a week ago, and the threats were more serious. My life, my connections, my career – all of it is in jeopardy, Miss Evans. These people are powerful. Terrifying, too. Oh, goodness, are they ever terrifying. Enough to make a man's blood curdle.

"I thought I could reason with them, or at least buy myself some time. But these men are not to be reasoned with. They insisted I speak with them over the floo network the other night. I had no idea why, but then I saw…I saw they had my sister. If you don't mind, I shall skip over the details of what they've been doing to her.

"The point is, I am a well-connected man. The people threatening me wish for me to use my influence to their advantage, and I am slowly coming to a point where I may have to give in to them. I do not want to take part in this war, Miss Evans, but the right leverage can bend even a mountain."

"Professor, who threatened you?" asked Lily.

"My dear, who do you think?" he said.

Death Eaters. Lily wrapped her arms around her midsection. She suddenly realized she was hunched forward, and she made a point to lean back in her chair and relax her shoulders.

"They have some of their children here at the castle hounding me as well," said Slughorn. "I cannot escape it."

"Who? I can help you, Professor. Give me names, and I will get them to leave you alone."

"Miss Evans, you are bold, I will give you that. And you are quite a talented young witch. But I do not wish for you to get tangled up in an old man's business. That is why I asked you to leave the castle. It is better for your own safety not to be a part of this."

"My part in this is to protect you if I can. I'm serious, Professor. Give me names. Even just one. I can deal with them."

Slughorn closed his eyes. He had a pained expression on his face. Then he opened his eyes, grabbed a fresh sheet of parchment, and pulled a fresh quill out of a drawer in his desk. He scribbled a few words which immediately vanished. He handed the paper to a very confused Lily.

"Do not read this until you are very certain you are alone," he instructed. "Tap it with your wand, and names will appear. Burn it when you are done with it. Do you understand?"

"I understand," said Lily.

"And please, if it is at all possible, do not let on that I told you what has been going on," he begged.

"I will," she promised.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

Lily grabbed her things and stood to leave. Slumped in his chair, Slughorn looked like a broken old man who had already lost the war. Lily tucked the paper he had given her into her bag and resolved to do all she could.

She left the office. James stood in the hallway, making smoke rings appear with his wand. He stopped when he saw Lily. They fell into step together as they walked away from Slughorn's office.

"So what's going on with him?" he asked.

Lily shook her head. "Not here."

James gave her a puzzled look, but he didn't press the point. Lily led him all the way back to Gryffindor Tower and into the empty common room before she spoke. She gave him the short version of what Slughorn had said to her. James's eyes went wide, and he marveled that someone had the stones to threaten someone at Hogwarts.

"You can't tell anyone," said Lily seriously. "You have to promise me."

"I promise, of course," said James.

"Good. I need to go take care of a few things," she said. "I'll see you at dinner."

"What do you need to take care of? You're not going to fix this on your own, are you?" he said.

"Do you think I'm an idiot? Besides, I'd be back considerably later than dinner if that were the case. I'll see you."

"Yeah, see you," he said, his tone still wary.

Lily went up to her dorm. None of her roommates had returned from Hogsmeade yet, and she suspected they wouldn't for quite some time.

She took the parchment Slughorn had given her out of her bag. She got her wand out and held it above the paper. She hesitated.

"Come on, Lily," she said. "Do the right thing."

She tapped the paper with her wand. Three names appeared on the sheet. Lily read over the names once, twice, three times. Then she lifted her wand and set fire to the paper.

Honestly, she couldn't say she was surprised.

* * *

Alice, Fran, and Nadia came back to the dorm later that afternoon to find Lily sitting in their bathroom with a cauldron in front of her. Her potions book and a variety of ingredients were spread across the floor.

"Um, Lily?" asked Alice. "What are you doing?"

"I'm making a hangover potion," Lily said.

"To sell or to use?"

"To use. I'm a prefect; I can't be selling black market potions."

"I told you earlier, Lily," said Nadia, "Prefects shouldn't be brewing black market potions to begin with."

"They're not black market if there's no market," said Lily. "And you'll be singing a very different tune the next time we all pass around the firewhisky."

Her roommates muttered general agreement. Assured that Lily hadn't gone off her rocker and wasn't breaking any terribly serious rules, they left her to her potion-making in the bathroom.

A little while later, Alice called out that they were heading down to dinner. Lily replied that she would be along in a bit. She only had a few more ingredients to add and stir before she could let the potion sit on its own for a bit.

About fifteen minutes later, Lily got up, stepped carefully around her cauldron, and left the bathroom. She wiped away the line of eye makeup that had formed where her eyelids creased, checked her hair in the mirror, and headed down to dinner. She reached the common room and stopped. She heard the banging sound once more.

It came from the dorms and the portrait hole all at once. Lily told herself it was just Peeves, but even he couldn't be in two places at once. It must have just been a reverberation.

But the banging went on, louder with each blow. Lily steeled her nerves and headed for the portrait hole. She saw no sign of Peeves in the hallway, but she knew that he could make himself invisible when she wanted to. She closed the portrait hole behind her, and the banging stopped.

Lily stopped by the library on the way to dinner. She checked out two books on ghosts and poltergeists, and one on magical architecture for good measure. She had settled to resolve one issue already today; she saw no reason not to take care of another.

* * *

**A/N: I've just realized that having characters named Fran and Frank is probably horribly confusing. I hope you guys don't get them confused, but please let me know if it's something I should make an attempt to fix.**


	7. Morning Mail

On Monday morning, the mail arrived at precisely eight o'clock. Lily was sat amongst her friends at the Gryffindor table, and she waited patiently for her mail. In the clamor of one owl delivering an excessively large package to Nadia, Lily almost didn't realize the letter that dropped next to her plate of eggs and toast. Only when the delivery owl nipped at her sleeve did she notice.

She could tell who had written the letter by the handwriting on the envelope, and so she tilted it away so no one else could read it. She opened it slowly, hesitantly. Part of her hoped that her request had been met with mocking and derision. But the responsible part of her, the prefect and (hopefully) future Head Girl in her, knew that she had an obligation to Slughorn.

The letter was brief. It addressed her as Miss Evans, which was surprisingly polite. Lily suspected they didn't know her blood status. The letter went on to suggest a meeting place Lily had never heard of and which was most certainly highly dangerous, where they could negotiate on Saturday evening. The author made it clear that no other circumstances would abide.

Lily wondered whether she shouldn't just go to Dumbledore.

"Hey, Evans, who's the letter from?" asked James, who sat across from Lily.

"My mum," she muttered.

James peered at the envelope, which Lily had let fall onto her plate. James picked it up and examined it more closely.

"I didn't know muggles had family crests," said James. He pointed to the broken wax seal, which was carved into a miniature of a coat of arms.

Lily ignored him. She re-read the letter, pondering her options. When she looked back up at James, he had an odd look on his face. He didn't press the point, though. But as everyone walked out of the Great Hall, he leaned down to whisper in Lily's ear.

"You're not writing to the people threatening Slughorn, are you?" he asked.

"I'm not doing anything stupid, Potter," she said. It wasn't a lie – at least not yet.

"Answer the question," he insisted.

"I did. Would you care to monitor all of my mail, or just the things you think you're entitled to know?" Lily whispered harshly.

"I think we all have a right to know if you're putting yourself in danger," he said.

Lily shook her head. She said, "I'm handling it, okay?"

And then she hurried to catch up to Alice. She didn't want to hear any response Potter had. Most likely, she was getting herself into something very stupid and dangerous. But she didn't need Potter to tell her that, and she certainly didn't want him to be the one helping her get out of it.

* * *

Peter Pettigrew eagerly awaited the mail on Tuesday morning. Yesterday's delivery had disappointed him, and he now counted six days now since he had sent his last letter. A response was due by now, certainly.

He watched the cascade of owls fly into the Great Hall. Peter's eyes marked where each one was headed. Each time one headed for the Gryffindor table, his breath caught in his chest a little bit, like seeing a waiter finally come out with his food. But each time, the owl went to someone else.

Sirius never received any mail, so he watched the morning ritual with cool detachment. Remus received a letter every so often from his parents, but it was infrequent enough that he, too, watched the mail be delivered without much interest. James, however, who was aggressively interested in other people's business, watched the flow of letters toward the Gryffindor table with rapt attention. When a letter made its way into Lily's hands, his posture stiffened and he suddenly looked concerned. Peter made a note to ask him about it later.

The stream of owls trickled off. Only a few still hovered in the air, and Peter despaired receiving a reply today. But then, finally, the very last owl dropped a crisp white envelope in front of him. Peter smiled like it was Christmas morning. His friends noticed his glee as he reached for his letter.

"What's got you so excited, Pete?" asked Sirius.

"No one, no one," muttered Peter.

He tore open the envelope and unfolded the letter within. Dark purple ink curled into lovely, tiny handwriting. Natalie wrote in a mixture of print and cursive, but Peter was able to discern each word without difficulty.

She addressed him as Peter, unlike his friends. Her letter started by mentioning how her family, her crazily large family with more little brothers than Peter could keep track of, was doing. Their apothecary brought in as good of business as ever, but her mother's vegetable garden was withering by the day. Natalie had started doing more managerial and accounting work at the apothecary over break, and she told Peter all about how much she was learning. Then she apologized for the long rant about technical things she was sure was dull as dishwater. Peter grinned the whole way through her run-on, enthusiastic sentences about overhead and expenses.

Natalie devoted the rest of the letter to remembering some of the things she and Peter had done over break. "And remember the snowman we built?" she wrote at one point, "I swear it reminded me of my uncle Henry." She mentioned one day when Peter had helped her stock items in the apothecary. He remembered wanting so badly to kiss her right there in the back of the store but not having the nerve. He was glad, at least, that the moment had stood out in Natalie's memory as much as it had in his own.

When he finished reading the letter, he looked up and noticed his friends leaning in and grinning at him.

"So…Pete," began James.

"Don't be an arse, Prongs," said Remus.

"I wasn't going to! I was just about to ask our dear friend what's got him looking like a first year in Honeyduke's," said James.

"Isn't it obvious, dear fellows?" said Sirius importantly. "I do believe our friend Pete has himself a girlfriend."

"No, I don't," said Peter. He lamented, in that moment more than any other yet of his young life, his utter inability to lie.

"What's her name?" asked Remus. "How'd you two meet?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Peter tried again.

His friends all exchanged knowing looks. Thankfully, though, they let him keep up the charade for now. Peter strongly suspected that they would pester him about it at some point in the future. But quite frankly, he didn't care. He spent all of herbology that day crafting his response to Natalie's letter in his head.

* * *

Sirius Black, as a rule, did not send letters to anyone. And his parents, as a rule, never sent letters to their least favorite son. Therefore, he got mail in the mornings about as often as Dumbledore got laid. Which was to say, almost never.

However, on Wednesday morning, Sirius would have to let Dumbledore hear the good news, as Sirius received a letter as he munched on some toast. He looked at the envelope twice, checking that its delivery to him hadn't been a mistake. But the name "Sirius Black" had definitely been written on the envelope's face. Flipping it over, Sirius suddenly had an expression like someone had farted in his kippers.

The wax seal had been shaped into the Black family crest.

He tossed aside the letter. He didn't want to give anyone, even himself, the illusion that he cared. At all.

But James, in all his infinite loyalty and nosiness, opened the letter that evening while Sirius was in the shower. When Sirius emerged from the bathroom, his wet hair dripping in his face and one hand securing a towel around his hips, James waved the letter in the air.

"Your crazy cousin's getting hitched," James said.

"Which one?" replied Sirius. He made a point to seem less interested than he would in a quidditch game played by slugs.

"Bellatrix. To some bloke named Rodolphus Lestrange," said James.

"I've met him. He's a blood-supremacist fucker," said Sirius. "Throw out the letter."

"You sure?"

"Do I look like I care about my family?"

Sirius was seldom more serious than when he talked about his distaste (to put it lightly) for his family. James recognized the look on his best friend's face, and so he crumpled the letter and tossed it expertly into the rubbish bin on the other side of the room.

"Showoff," muttered Sirius.

"Showoff who's going to win us the quidditch cup," corrected James. "I'll thank you to show some damn respect for your captain."

"I've got your bloody respect right here," said Sirius, suddenly grinning at his friend's antics.

Sirius grabbed a pillow from the nearest bed (Frank's) and tossed it at James's head. It was a perfect shot, and James's glasses were knocked askew. James reached for the pillow to toss it back at Sirius, but then he stopped.

"Oi, Padfoot?"

"Yeah?"

"Maybe go get dressed, yeah?"

"Oh, right."

* * *

By Thursday morning, Fran had all but forgotten about the letter she'd sent her mum over the weekend. And so her initial reaction when an owl dropped a letter in front of her was the usual joy she felt to hear from home. But as she opened the envelope, she remembered what she had written to her mum on Monday. She suddenly had little desire to read her the reply.

"Get a letter from home, Fae?" said Nadia.

Fran nodded, put the letter aside, and took a long drink of pumpkin juice.

"Aren't you going to read it?" asked Nadia.

"In a minute. Lily, weren't you about to tell some joke you heard the other day?" said Fran.

As Lily told a joke about an old blind wizard and a billygoat, Fran noticed Nadia looking at her out of the corner of her eye. Fran put her arm around her girlfriend's waist to pacify her, but both of them seemed acutely aware of the unopened letter on the table.

Fran waited until they were in Charms before she finally opened it. She figured that in all of the chaos that class usually entailed, she could keep the letter's contents relatively private from Nadia.

The thing was, she had no way of knowing her mum's reaction would be bad. But the nature of these things was for Fran's mind to jump to the worst possible scenario and start guarding against it. But putting off reading the letter wasn't going to change what was in it, and so after Professor Flitwick finished his instructions, Fran opened the envelope.

She read it so quickly the first time she didn't even register what it said. Upon a second, slower reading, her heart fell to somewhere around her kidneys, and her kidneys fell to somewhere between her knees and her feet.

"Fae?" said Nadia, having noticed her girlfriend's reaction. "Everything all right?"

Fran smiled at Nadia. She folded up the letter and tucked it in her pocket. "Everything's fine."

* * *

By Friday morning, everyone was growing restless for the weekend to arrive once more. James and his friends were rowdier than they had been all week at breakfast. They loudly debated Gryffindor's prospects for the quidditch season, speculated about Peter's apparent girlfriend back home, and teased Nadia and Fran about becoming the old, married couple of the group. Granted, the two of them had only been together a few weeks, but they were the only ones in a relationship. The status of old married couple, by default, fell to them.

James had sat himself near Lily; he'd been doing so all week. Lily had received two more letters from the same person she had on Monday, and she remained just as cagey about it. James hadn't pressed the point after a few words about the second letter. He figured if he had any hope of helping, it didn't lay in nagging the girl endlessly. He'd learned his lesson all too well about pestering Lily too much when he wanted something.

Halfway through breakfast, James wondered whether he could ask Lily what she was doing over the weekend without it sounding like he was asking her out. He was spared further thought on the matter by the arrival of the morning mail. A brown owl, one James recognized as being his father's, landed in front of his breakfast with a letter in its talons.

"Hello, Archimedes," he said, scratching the owl behind its neck.

He pushed forward the rest of his food for the owl to munch on, and then he opened the letter. It looked like it was from both of his parents, as the top half was in his dad's handwriting and the bottom half was in his mum's. Ordinarily, they took it in turns to write him. He wondered what occasioned a message from both of them.

His dad's language was brief, as per his usual style. He told James about several attacks throughout the countryside that hadn't been in the papers. The death tolls were depressingly high. His father went on to speculate about the growing numbers of Death Eaters and about sightings of magical creatures Voldemort may have recruited to his side.

James's mum's part of the letter was no cheerier. She mentioned a spy who had just been rooted out in the Wizengamot and who apparently had done some severe damage. Then she detailed several information leaks that had had fairly fatal consequences for a handful of muggleborns in hiding. She finished by mentioning that she and dad were in excellent health, that she hoped James was in kind, and that she wished him good luck with quidditch and his classes.

_P.S_, the letter ended, _Whatever happened to that girl you used to talk about so much? You hardly spoke of her at all over break. Your father and I have been wondering, but he thought it indelicate to ask._

James couldn't help but laugh a little at the thought of his parents debating whether to ask him about Lily. Looking up at the redhead in question, he knew that he was in just as deep as he had ever been. But his parents' words about the attacks on muggleborns picked at the edges of his mind. James wondered what kind of future Lily had in the wizarding world, if this was what they would be going into in a little over a year. He wondered whether her future, whatever of it may exist, included him.


	8. Let's Cry About It

Lily tossed her school bag onto her bed, and then she flopped onto the sheets next to it. She made a noise like a creaky staircase.

"Lily?" said Alice. "You okay?"

Lily made the noise again.

"Good to know," said Alice.

Lily sat up. She ran her hands over her face. "I'm fine."

Alice took her shoes off and then sat next to Lily. She asked, "Are you? You've seemed a little off these past few days."

Lily shrugged. "It's stupid, really."

"I regularly spend time with James Potter and Sirius Black. I guarantee you I have a high stupidity threshold."

"You'd think it's silly. Really, I'm fine," said Lily.

She went into the bathroom. There, she yanked a hairbrush through her hair. It caught on the curls at the ends. Alice followed her in and watched Lily while leaning against the wall with her arms crossed.

"You're my best friend, Lily. You can tell me anything, and I promise I won't judge."

Lily gave her a look. "You're constantly judging everyone around you."

"Well, yeah, a little. But always judging is the same as never judging if you think about it."

"That doesn't make any sense at all."

"No, I guess not. Tell you what: you tell me what's wrong, and I'll get you something fancy from the Three Broomsticks tomorrow."

"I'm not really up for getting drunk, Alice."

"Who said anything about getting drunk? We can just put it in glasses, swirl it around, and stare out the window pensively while saying things like 'What a world we live in.'"

Lily laughed. She set her hairbrush down on the edge of the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. Her mother told her fairly often that she had bags under her eyes, but Lily never saw it. Perhaps she just always had bags under her eyes; suddenly, Alice's logic made a little more sense.

"I guarantee, whatever it is, I've heard stupider," said Alice.

Lily looked at her friend. She said, "You want to hear something stupid? I'm fucking tired of being single."

Alice, to her surprise, didn't give any sort of reaction. Rather, she seemed to be waiting for Lily to elaborate.

"I didn't realize until Fran and Nadia got together, but I just…I want to be in a relationship again. Yeah, Grennar was a complete arse at the end, but just…I miss that feeling. Do you know the feeling I'm talking about?"

"To be honest, no," said Alice.

"That feeling where it's just…I can't even explain it. The one that makes you feel like a first year again. I want that. I miss it. And being around anyone in a couple suddenly makes me have this fucking ache in my stomach like I don't even know. And I feel like a horrible friend for not wanting to be around Fran and Nadia when they're being Fran and Nadia, but at the same time it's just…is any of this making any sense at all?"

Alice came over and put a hand on Lily's arm. She said, "It makes a lot of sense. And please don't feel like it's not valid for you to want to be in a relationship again. Just promise me it won't be with Grennar."

"Merlin, no."

"Good. Hey, I've got an idea," said Alice, stepping back. "Let's have a drink and talk about boys."

"I think you mean have a drink and cry about boys," said Lily.

"Same thing."

Lily laughed. Alice left the bathroom. A moment later, she gave a cry of triumph and reappeared in the doorway, waving a bottle of wine in the air.

Having decided the occasion called for better than passing the bottle back and forth, Alice conjured two wine glasses. She waved her wand, and the bottle of wine poured itself out. Its contents flowed elegantly into the two glasses. When it finished, it corked itself and floated onto Alice's nightstand. Alice picked up the two glasses, handed one to Lily, and then held hers in the air.

"Here's to our lesbian roommates," said Alice. "Who might actually have the right idea about things."

Lily took a big gulp of wine. Then she said, "Fran still likes men. Bi, remember?"

"Fair point. Still, she has her options open. I can really respect that," said Alice.

The two of them seated themselves on the floor, each one of them leaning their backs against their respective beds. Alice had her legs crossed, as though she were part of a drum circle. Lily stretched her legs out in front of her, not noticing as she gradually slid lower to the floor.

Alice began by saying that Lily should feel free to talk about how she felt as much as she wanted.

"I said what I wanted to say. Not much else to tell, except wanting to say it twenty times until someone really hears it," said Lily.

"I hear it," said Alice.

Lily shook her head. "You hear it, but you don't really. You're fine on your own. Better off, even, judging by your usual attitude about things. I want someone to hear what I'm saying and to really feel it all the way through them. Maybe it's shitty of me to wish this on someone else too, but that's the only thing I can think of that I want: someone who gets it. No pity, no advice, just a sort of quiet understanding that yeah, sometimes things are just shit, you know?"

"I guess not," said Alice.

Silence then burst in the door. Bitch that it was, it immediately dominated the conversation. Lily and Alice listened to its incessant chatter while they sipped occasionally at their drinks. They found themselves growing tired of its presence.

* * *

"Fix your collar."

"You've got some lipstick on your jaw."

"Shit, have I?"

"Yeah, right there."

"Is it gone?"

"No. Here, I'll help."

Hogwarts students had an unparalleled ability to sniff out people fresh from a broom cupboard, and Fran and Nadia possessed the skill in spades. They had thought, as they entered the cupboard earlier, that they would therefore know all the typical signs to make sure they avoided. But an hour or so later, they suddenly understood why people got caught so often.

Thankfully, the no onlookers passed by on their way back to Gryffindor Tower. They heard a clock chime six somewhere, and they knew most of the school must have been at dinner.

"You reckon Alice and Lily are already down there?" asked Nadia.

They came to the portrait of the Fat Lady, who raised an eyebrow at their appearance. Fran gave the password quickly in the hope that the Fat Lady wouldn't comment on it.

"Been up to something, have you?" said the woman.

"None of your damn business," said Fran. "Virtuoso."

The Fat Lady still gave them a funny look, but the portrait hole swung open all the same. Nadia and Fran took a quick look in a mirror in the common room to make sure they didn't look too post-coital (their activities hadn't been coital, but no term existed for post-snogging-in-a-broom-cupboard).

Silence fled from their dorm room as soon as they entered. Alice and Lily greeted them happily, waving their wine glasses in the air as if to toast them. Alice conjured two more glasses, and Fran could have sworn she gave her and Nadia a sly look as she did so.

"Where have you two been?" Alice asked.

"Early dinner," said Fran. She was nothing if not a good liar.

"Is that what you call it?" muttered Alice.

She made the wine pour itself for Fran and Nadia. Then she handed the glasses to her roommates and vanished the empty bottle.

"So what's the occasion? It's barely six," said Nadia.

"Boys are the bloody worst, that's the occasion," said Lily.

Lily lay on her stomach, her legs twirling in the air. She rested on one folded arm, and her other arm stretched in front of her to caress the stem of her glass.

"Well, that's a bit out of my wheelhouse," said Nadia.

"Not mine. Any blokes in particular? Or are we just bitching in general?" asked Fran.

"In general," said Alice. "But feel free to get specific. It makes it easier to complain about annoying habits or embarrassing incidents."

The room filled with chatter and laughter and the occasional clink of glasses against the wooden floor. Fran and Nadia sat across from each other, rather than sidling up next to each other as per usual. Fran couldn't pinpoint why, but it just felt like a time to be their friends' friends rather than each other's girlfriends.

* * *

In the sixth year boys' dormitory, James Potter read aloud to his friends the contents of his parents' letter. His friends listened with their eyes on the ground, none of them making a sound. James skipped the last bits of the letter, especially the part where his mum asked about Lily. His friends definitely didn't need to hear that bit.

"They're infiltrating the ministry?" said Remus. "Shit."

"Bunch of bastards," muttered Sirius.

"At least they caught the guy," said James. "That's something."

"And if they caught one spy, they'll be on the lookout for others," said Peter.

They all nodded and murmured agreement at that. Then they all began discussing the war outside the walls of Hogwarts and wondering what had been kept from the general public. James asserted he thought no one was keeping secret anything more serious, since his parents most likely would have told him.

"Maybe they don't want to put some stuff in writing," suggested Remus. "Owls can get intercepted."

James shrugged. "It's possible, I guess."

James undid his tie and tossed it into his trunk. His shoes and socks followed suit, and then he lay back on his bed, hands behind his head.

"Let's change the subject," he said glumly. "I'm sick of hearing about the bloody war."

"It's kind of a big deal, Prongs," said Remus.

"I get that, but it's a Friday. I'd like one day where I don't have to worry about Death Eaters and You-Know-Who and Merlin can only remember what else. Why doesn't Padfoot tell us about detention on Wednesday instead?"

"Fine by me," said Sirius. He leaned back against the wall, put his hands in his pockets, and smiled. "Gentlemen, this arrangement of mine is the best damn idea I've ever had."

"Ravenclaw this time?" asked James.

"Hufflepuff. Don't overlook Hufflepuffs, I'm telling you," said Sirius. He gave a low whistle. "No wonder their quidditch team is so good."

"Padfoot, I doubt there's any connection between being good at quidditch and being good in the sack," said James.

"For your sake, mate, I hope you're right."

James opened his mouth to reply, but a knock at the door interrupted him.

Remus, who sat nearest the door, said, "I'll get it."

He opened the door, and Nadia stood there with a smile on her face. She waved hello.

"Hey, we were wondering if any of you had any food," she said.

"Food?" said Remus.

"Yeah, we all kind of skipped dinner," said Nadia. Her cheeks reddened a little.

Sirius coughed, but it sounded suspiciously like the word "shagging."

Nadia blushed more, but she ignored him. She just looked at Remus. "So, food? I know you lot go down to the kitchens all the time."

"I'll, um, I'll see what we've got, yeah?" said Remus.

He stumbled back a bit and then went over to James's nightstand. James flicked his friend on the head.

"Oi, you could ask first," he said.

Remus ignored him. He pulled out a box of cauldron cakes, sniffed them to make sure they hadn't gone bad, and brought them over to Nadia.

"Is that enough?" he asked.

"Yeah, that's perfect. Thanks, Remus!" she said brightly.

"No problem," he said. "Anytime."

Nadia waved goodbye, and Remus waved back until he lost sight of her down the stairs. Then he closed the door, leaned back against it, and muttered something about utter lunacy.

"Moony?" said Sirius, "Everything all right?"

Remus groaned in the way of reply.

"Oh Merlin," muttered Sirius. He knelt beside his bed and pulled a bottle of firewhisky out from under it. He opened the bottle and shoved it into Remus's hands, saying, "Here you go, mate. The things I do for you."

Remus shook his head and tried to hand the bottle back. He insisted, "I don't need a drink, Padfoot."

"And you lot think I'm the only one who can't lie," said Peter, with a snort of laughter.

"Pete's got a point," said James. "Come on, have a drink and moan about your girl problems. I guarantee you Nadia and her lot have definitely done it on more than one occasion."

"How do you know that?" asked Remus, eyeing James with suspicion.

James held his hands in the air and said, "Whoa, whoa, nothing like that, I promise. It's just a thing girls do. I thought it was common knowledge."

"Not every man is blessed with our thorough knowledge of women, Prongs," said Sirius, elbowing his friend.

James shoved Sirius off. Then he stood, took the bottle from Remus, and took a swig. "If you want, I'll get us started with moaning about girl problems."

"Merlin, please no," said Sirius. "We've heard enough about Evans to last a lifetime."

"More like a dozen lifetimes," said Peter.

Remus took the bottle back. He gave James a sympathetic smile, and then he drank. Sirius and Peter gave a cheer.

"If it'll make you lot happy, I'll talk about Nadia," said Remus.

"Ever the martyr," said James, flopping back down onto his bed.

"Shut it, you," said Remus. "It's my turn to whine about girls for once. I liked Nadia since our fifth year. I think it was around that time we all went swimming in the lake and she grabbed my ankle to make me think it was the giant squid."

"Am I supposed to be hearing something sexual in that?" said Sirius.

"No!" cried Remus. "It was just…she's just…ugh, Merlin, I've got it bad. Why the bloody fuck did I have to fall for the girl who's gay?"

Frank chose that moment to enter the room, and he seemed to only hear the last word Remus had said. "Who's gay?"

"Remus," said Sirius, with a straight face. "Totally and utterly gay."

"Wanker," called Remus.

"Not this week, mate. I've been in detention, remember?"

"Padfoot, you better be disinfecting those desks once you're done. We do work at those," said Remus.

"Oh, I'll say. Those Hufflepuffs work overtime, if you know what I mean."

"Literally everyone knows what you mean," said Remus. "Sex is all you ever mean. I'd be shocked if you said a sentence that wasn't a double entendre."

"Get more firewhisky in you. If you can still say words like double entendre, you're not drunk enough."

Frank put his hands in the air and said, "I feel like I'm missing a lot."

"You have no idea," said Peter.

* * *

"What about Remus?" suggested Nadia.

"Too nice," said Lily. "And he's friends with Potter, so that wouldn't work. Besides, I'd just wind up breaking his heart."

"Yes, because you're such a little heart breaker," said Fran, "Trampling on the hearts of every bloke in school. Such a sordid history you've got, you tramp."

"Oh, sod off," said Lily. She drained the rest of her glass and then reached for a cauldron cake.

"Hey, you've already had yours," protested Alice, "Leave enough for the rest of us."

"But those two already ate," said Lily.

Nadia and Fran exchanged a look. It didn't go unnoticed by their roommates.

"Did you already eat?" asked Lily.

"Well, yes and no…" began Nadia.

"Mostly no," said Fran.

"Entirely no."

"Merlin help you two," said Alice. "You're like…"

"Teenagers?" supplied Nadia. "That would be because we are. Whereas you, on the other hand, are the old lady of the group."

"I am not!" said Alice.

"I'm with Nadia on this one," said Lily, her mouth full of cauldron cake. "You give the best advice, you don't really get involved with our shenanigans –"

"I regularly advocate drinking as a solution to life problems," interrupted Alice.

"See? The best advice," said Nadia. "And besides, drinking is very old lady-ish."

The wine and the cauldron cakes gradually vanished over the next few hours. The four of them cracked open another bottle at some point, and that too vanished. They all fell into their beds around midnight, happy and warm and just slightly tipsy.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, the sixth year Gryffindor men's conspicuous absence marked their usual seats. Frank walked in alone halfway through breakfast, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Hey, what gives?" asked Nadia. "Where is everyone?"

"Sleeping off their hangovers, I think," said Frank.

"Got drunk last night too, did you lot?" said Fran.

"They did. I just had a couple of sips," said Frank. "Remus got properly pissed, and you know Sirius refuses to be outdone when it comes to sex or alcohol."

"Please tell me Sirius didn't have sex with anyone last night," said Lily.

"Not as far as I know. He was having trouble walking by the time we all went to bed, so I'm guessing he wasn't in any state to go down to the potions room," said Frank.

Everyone but Lily took pause at that. Alice repeated slowly, "Potions classroom?"

Frank realized what he'd said, and he busied himself by scooping eggs onto his plate.

"Does Sirius shag in the potions classroom?" demanded Fran.

"I'm not really in any position…" began Frank.

"Frank Longbottom, you'd best tell us right now if you know what's good for you," said Alice.

"Every night the past week during detention as far as I know," said Frank quickly. "You didn't hear it from me."

Alice made a face and pushed away her breakfast. Lily had already been aware of Sirius's shenanigans, however, and so she continued eating. The bacon tasted especially delicious that morning.

After breakfast, Lily found her way into the boys' dorm. She brought a few vials of hangover cure, since she figured the lot of them probably needed it. She knocked at their door. And since she heard no reply, she let herself in.

The boys' dorm looked, and she didn't know why this surprised her, relatively identical to the girls' dorm. A little more mess covered the floor, but not by much. Lily and Fran tended to be less than tidy sometimes when they hurried out to class. What looked more like mattress lumps than people occupied the beds. Lily had to identify everyone by their hair sticking out above the bed sheets. She found Remus nearest the door, with his short, tawny brown hair all askew. He had pulled the sheets up all the way to his nose.

Lily prodded him. "Remus?"

He didn't move. Lily briefly wondered whether she should hold a mirror under his nose to check that he was even still breathing. But a moment later, he shifted slightly. She prodded him again.

"Remus, come on," she said, still quietly. "Get up."

"Who the fuck is waking us up?" said a muffled voice on the other side of the room.

"It's me, Lily."

"Prongs, your girlfriend is here," said the voice again. Lily suspected Sirius was the one speaking.

"Oh, sod off," said James groggily.

Lily looked over and saw James turn over so he faced the ceiling. She figured he seemed to be the most awake (which wasn't saying much), so she walked over to his bed. He still had his eyes closed. At least he wasn't snoring, like Peter.

"Oi, Potter," she said. "Wake up. I've got something for you."

"Very funny, Padfoot," he said.

"It's Lily, you arse," she said.

Then she grabbed one of his hands, stuffed a vial into it, and poked him on the shoulder. James opened his eyes. He looked at the vial in his hand first, and then at Lily, then back at the vial, and then at Lily again. His expression showed a mixture of exhaustion and bewilderment.

"What's going on?" he asked stupidly.

"Drink it," she instructed. "You'll feel better."

Lily thought it marked how much he'd drunk the night before that he didn't have a witty reply for her. Instead, he uncorked the vial, tossed back the potion, and sat still for a few moments. While he did that, Lily went to work trying to get up his other roommates. She went back to Remus first. After some heavy poking and prodding and pulling back his bed sheets, Lily finally got him to open his eyes and drink the potion. Peter woke without issue. He asked whether Lily was poisoning them but drank the potion all the same. Sirius, however, remained stubbornly asleep.

"Here, give it to me," said James, now out of bed and slightly perkier. "I can handle him."

"Thanks. How much did you lot drink last night?" she asked.

James pulled off his glasses and ran a hand over his face. He replied, "Merlin, you don't want to know. It started with a bottle of firewhisky, and then we opened another, and I can't remember if we had a third."

"You're going to get yourselves killed one day," Lily said.

"Don't I know it. Oi, Padfoot, time to get up!"

His roommate did not stir. James turned back to Lily and said, "This is going to take a while. You might want to get going, if you have something to do. Thanks for the potion."

"You're welcome. Frank told me at breakfast that you lot were in a bad way," said Lily. "I figured since I had the stuff on hand, I may as well."

"Have you considered selling this stuff? It'd do pretty well, I think."

"I've said to my roommates at least a dozen times, no, I am not willing to sell black market potions."

"Suit yourself. You could get rich off of this stuff."

"I could go broke making it. Ingredients are expensive."

"It's called a profit margin, Lily. You have to spend money to make money."

"I don't need a lesson in economics from you, Potter. Good luck getting your roommate up. I'll being seeing you."

Lily handed the last vial to James, and then she left the dorm. She wondered how much Potter knew about black market trade in Hogwarts. He was probably right that black-market potions would fetch a good price.

Lily shook her head at that thought. She held the esteemed positions of prefect and potioneer, not petty criminal.


	9. The Nameless Woman

Lily wore black. She didn't stand out in the common room, since everyone else wore their black school robes. The difference, however, was that Lily wore muggle clothing. She figured she could move more easily in it.

The Marauders were nowhere to be seen. Lily waited five minutes, and then ten, and they still didn't come either from their dorm or the portrait hole. Finally, as the clock approached seven thirty, she went up to the boys' dorm. She hesitated before she knocked. This was really her last chance to turn back and never tell anyone what she'd been planning. But she reminded herself that she had an obligation, and so she took a deep breath and knocked.

James opened the door. Lily couldn't hide the look of disappointment on her face. James looked vaguely hurt for a second.

"Expecting someone else?" he said.

"I'm looking for Sirius," she replied.

"He's not here. If you're looking for a good snog, Evans, I've got nothing but free time toni –"

"Don't be an arse, Potter. Do you know where he is?"

"It's a Saturday night, so I'd wager he's off with some girl. I try not to think too much about my best mate's sex life. Why do you need him so badly?"

Then he looked down and noticed what she was wearing. His eyes narrowed, and he straightened his glasses.

"Evans," he said slowly, "Are you going somewhere?"

"It's none of your business, Potter," she said.

"It's to do with Slughorn, isn't it?"

"Mind your own damn business!"

"Dammit, Lily!"

Lily jumped back, surprised at James's volume. He immediately looked apologetic. He took a step back and put his hands in the air.

"Sorry," he said quietly, "I'm sorry. Just…come in, and we can talk in private. My roommates aren't around."

Lily considered him for a minute. She bit her lip and ran a hand through her hair. She decided James really didn't have any way to stop her, so she entered the dorm room.

"I wasn't going to go on my own," she said, once James closed the door. "That's why I was coming to get Sirius."

"He was your first choice?" asked James incredulously.

"Hardly. But anyone else would make me go to Dumbledore, or would think me so stupid and naïve for doing this," said Lily. "And Sirius doesn't exactly seem to have any problem putting his life in danger."

"Why aren't you going to Dumbledore about this?" asked James.

"If it were any other professor, I probably would," explained Lily. "But it's Slughorn. I know you and Fran and everyone else isn't exactly fond of him, but that man has been nothing but good to me. Things right now are dangerous for people like me, James, and if I'm going to have any place in this world, it's because of Slughorn. I owe him a debt that I can't ever really fully repay. I figure getting his sister back is a start."

James went quiet for a moment. He looked at Lily as if she were a painting he was seeing for the first time. Then, finally, he spoke.

"Come with me," he said.

"If you're going to bring me to Dumbledore…" said Lily.

"I'm not," he said. "I'm going to help you get Slughorn's sister back. It's clear you're not about to be talked out of this, and there's no bloody way I'm going to let you go without someone to watch your back."

Lily would have smiled, but the fine print of his words worried her. Did he consider her his to protect? Regardless, she had no license to turn down help.

"I need you to get me to a fireplace," she said. "A private one. Do you know a room we can use?"

"I will in a few seconds," said James.

"How?"

"That," said James, "Is going to be our little secret. Well, technically mine, yours, Sirius's, Remus's, and Peter's, but that's neither here nor there."

He went to his trunk and grabbed three things: his wand, a wad of silvery material, and a piece of parchment.

"Hold that, will you?" he said, tossing the silver bundle to Lily.

Lily caught it and held it out to examine. She asked, "What is it?"

"That's the secret bit," said James. "Invisibility cloak. Used to belong to my dad."

"Amazing!"

Lily draped the cloak around her shoulders and watched as her body disappeared.

"This is extraordinary!" she exclaimed. "But wait a minute, is this how you lot get away with so much mischief?"

James rose to his feet. "Like I said: our little secret."

He perched on the edge of his bed, leaning his torso against the bed post. He held the ratty piece of parchment in his hands and muttered something while tapping it with his wand. Lily stepped forward to get a look. James angled the parchment away from her.

"I've got to keep you in the dark about this, Evans," he said.

"You boys and your secrets," she said, with a mocking huff.

"More than you know," said James quietly. He almost seemed to be talking to himself. "More than you know."

He seemed to remember himself then. He looked up at Lily, and then he pushed up his glasses and ran the same hand through his hair in one fluid motion. He folded the parchment and tucked it into his pocket.

"The arithmancy room is empty right now," he said.

Lily let James lead the way out of the dorm, down the stairs, through the still-bustling common room, and out of the portrait hole. No one looked twice at them, since curfew still loomed more than an hour and a half away.

The arithmancy classroom occupied the same floor as the portrait hole, so the walk only took a few minutes. Neither James nor Lily spoke on the way. Once they arrived in the room they shut the door, lit one of the lamps, and settled themselves on desks.

James leaned back on his palms, his long legs stretching in two directions. He asked, "So what exactly have I gotten myself into?"

"I think you've probably puzzled most of it out already," said Lily.

"Maybe, but I'd prefer to hear it in your lovely voice," he said drolly.

Lily rolled her eyes. She said, "Death Eaters have Slughorn's sister. I sent them a letter asking to negotiate her release, and they told me to go to the Avery family's manor. I figure they're almost definitely not going to be willing to negotiate, and that was where Sirius's willingness to put himself in danger would come in."

"So I'm the understudy for the role of the diversion, then?"

"No, I'll do that. I figure I can keep them talking long enough for you to find Slughorn's sister and get her out."

"You think that'll hold out long enough?"

"Do you have anything better?"

"Not on such short notice, no. How will you know when to get out if you'll be talking to Avery?"

"I figure you won't be able to apparate in or out of that place, so we'll all have to floo out together."

"Isn't that going to get tricky?"

"I expect so. But it's the best idea I've got. You two stay under the cloak, tap me or something, and we'll get away as quick as we can, yeah?"

"Got it."

They stood up. Lily pulled a small bundle tied with green string out of her pocket. Opening it, she exposed one of two handfuls of floo powder she had on her. She lit a fire, and then she and James positioned themselves in front of it.

"Lily?"

"Yeah?"

James looked down at her and put a hand on her arm. "You don't have to go if you don't think you can handle it."

Lily's eyes narrowed. She pushed his hand away and said, "I can handle myself just fine. And I'll thank you not to underestimate me."

She turned her head to face the fire. She held aloft her handful of floo powder and then tossed it into the flames.

"Avery manor," she said, loudly and clearly.

As she stepped forward with James into the green light, she felt something envelop her, and she felt for the first time that evening that perhaps she was walking to her death.

They fell out of the fireplace. Lily immediately looked around to see where they had come out, because she knew something had gone wrong. Darkness shrouded the room around them, save for the dim glow of the fire. She saw no one except James.

Shit. She could see James.

She felt around herself and realized he had put the invisibility cloak over her. The prick switched their roles at the last second. Lily grabbed a fistful of the cloak in front of her, ready to pull it off and throw it over James. But then someone's footsteps approached, and she knew she had reacted too late.

The fire behind them grew to a full blaze. A silver-haired, gaunt-faced wizard with sharp bones stepped forward. His small eyes betrayed nothing. His voice tore at the air like a knife in someone's flesh.

"I was told a girl was coming to negotiate," he said.

"I'm something of a middleman," said James. "I'm here to negotiate on her behalf."

Lily didn't waste time listening in on James's conversation with the man. She assumed him to be Avery senior, but she really didn't have any way of knowing. It wasn't as though it mattered.

She waved her wand at her feet and casted a silencing charm. The tapping of her shoes would give her away on these cold, stone floors. Around her, the ceilings extended into the air until shadow obscured them. Dark-threaded tapestries hung on the wall, depicting scenes too intricate to discern, although Lily knew she would prefer not to see them. Up ahead, a carved wooden door opened enough to let Lily slip through.

Lily walked into the hallway beyond. Neither fireplace nor torches illuminated the corridor, but she didn't dare light her wand to see. She had always possessed good night vision anyway. She could make out the shape of a grand, carpeted staircase leading up into a corridor lined with windows. Lily stepped carefully, lifting the cloak just enough above the ground so that she wouldn't trip, but not so much that her ankles showed.

She could still hear the quiet tones of James speaking with Avery senior, but their voices grew fainter and fainter. Lily's short breathing sounded like boulders crashing in her ears, and she felt her heart thudding from somewhere around her collarbone. Her wand grew slick from the sweat on her palms.

She reached the second floor and could see more easily for the columns of moonlight on the floor. The corridor extended both right and left, but the right offered more doors. Lily knew she couldn't open every door to search within.

She dropped the cloak, letting the hem settle on the ground. She lifted her wand, keeping her elbow tucked tight against her side.

_Homenum revelio._

She saw two gold wisps pointing her toward James and Avery. Three more pointed her to the right and one to the left. She went left, deciding one wrong bet would be easier to fix than three.

She walked a little ways into the corridor and cast the charm again. She followed the gold wisp to a door on the right side of the hallway. She tried the doorknob, and it was unlocked. Something suggested to her that her passage through the house came too easily.

In the room beyond, a woman lay in a large, heavily-quilted bed. Her hair had almost entirely gone grey, and in the darkness it looked near silver. The pillow had made her face pouched as she slept soundly. Lily wondered whether this was Slughorn's sister.

The door creaked behind Lily, and the woman's eyes slid open. Lily froze, forgetting that she could not be seen.

"Dorian?" said the woman groggily.

Not Slughorn's sister. Lily gripped the invisibility cloak in one hand, praying it wouldn't slide off. It almost felt like a protective cocoon around her. She stepped out of the door and did not bother to close it behind her. Doors opening on their own were ordinary enough, but a door closing itself would surely alert the woman to something odd.

It made no difference. Lily heard the woman push her bed sheets back and leap lightly to the ground. Lily got out of the way of the door as quickly as she could and pressed herself against the wall. The woman appeared in the hall a moment later. She wore a nightdress that looked like it came from the nineteenth century, and a messy braid held back her silvery hair. She held a hand in front of her face to yawn. Then she went back into her bedroom.

Lily let out her breath. Then she headed for the corridor to the right of the stairs, where three people lay in wait.

Avery and James sat across the table from each other. Avery sat straight-backed, with his arms folded on the table. James, on the other hand, with his arms crossed and legs apart, leaned back in his chair as casually as he did with his friends. He waited for Avery to speak first.

"You have come to negotiate," said Avery.

The comment surprisingly asked for little response, which gave James pause. He took a moment before speaking. Each second he killed with this conversation bought Lily another second to search the house.

"On behalf of someone else, yes," said James. "For a Miss Slughorn."

"What interest do you have in the woman?"

"Personal. I'm here as a favor."

"How very generous of you."

"What can I say?" Here, James couldn't resist inserting a smirk. "I'm a real humanist."

"Clearly," said Avery. He removed his arms from the table and instead sat in an oddly blank pose.

"So, what can I do," said James, "To persuade you to part with the lovely lady?"

"What would you consider a fair price?"

James splayed out his hands in the air. "I couldn't possibly put a price on a person. I was really hoping you'd just, y'know, do it gratis. I'm doing someone a favor, you'd be doing a favor, everyone gets a favor."

"Except for me. Pragmatism is my modus operandi, rather than sentimentality. It has served me well in the world."

James made a show of craning his neck around the room. "I'll say."

Lily tried the doorknob and found it locked. She pulled out her wand and tapped the knob, and when she tried it once more, it opened freely. She shifted it open just a bit, just a little bit, so that someone on the other side might assume it had just been the wind blowing it open. That was, of course, assuming the wind could pick locks.

At the creaking of the door, all three of the room's occupants turned to look. Lily's breath caught in her throat. She fought the impulse to surrender herself.

"Reckon someone's there?" said a man with close-cropped hair and little mouth to speak of.

"This is an old house. I am sure it is merely a ghost," said a woman. She had haughty features and immaculate blonde hair.

"Could be something fishy," said the man.

While they debated the probability of the door opening of its own accord, Lily slipped into the room and toed her way across the carpet. She held a hand in front of her mouth to muffle the sound of her breathing. At the back wall of the room, wrists bound and a black eye marring her moonlit face, in a hunched position suggesting horrible pain, sat a woman who looked far too lovely to be Slughorn's sister. In her mind, Lily inflated the woman's features, trying to picture her in relation to the corpulent man she knew. She recognized the nose, without a doubt. And perhaps the eyes. But the woman's features sat better in her face, even if her circumstances diminished her beauty somewhat.

Lily realized she didn't even know the name of Slughorn's sister. She realized that Slughorn's sister could likewise be referred to simply as Slughorn, assuming she hadn't married and changed her name.

The two black-clad guards, although perhaps they may have been interrogators or torturers, turned back to face the woman. They held their wands aloft, and the woman cringed before them. She curled into herself like a turtle without its shell. Lily gripped her wand and poked it out of a slit in the cloak.

The man collapsed to the ground.

The blonde woman turned, her hair flying out around her. She held her wand at arm length and eye level. Her lips parted, ready to let pass the first spell that came into her head. Lily moved her wand to stun her too, but suddenly the woman bolted from the room and slammed the door behind her. Lily lowered her wand, amazed at her good luck.

She removed the invisibility cloak. Slughorn's sister's eyes widened, but her posture relaxed. She sat straighter now, although she curled in on her right side in a way that suggested an injury.

"Horace sent me," said Lily, coming close enough to the truth.

With a flick of her wand, she undid the ropes around the woman's wrists. The woman stood, but she bent over and held a hand pressed against her side. Lily rushed to support her.

"I'm going to get you out of here," said Lily.

"There's no way we're both getting out," said the woman. "And I can't…"

She stopped and coughed, and then she bent over in pain once more. Lily put a gentle hand on the woman's back.

"What have they been doing to you?" asked Lily in a concerned tone. She posed the question more rhetorically than not.

Before the woman could respond, Lily heard a rush of footsteps outside of the room. She threw the invisibility cloak over Slughorn's sister without bothering to explain. She held her wand behind her back and positioned herself in the center of the room.

The door opened. Avery senior stood there with the blonde woman at his side. Lily now recognized her as Narcissa Black. The woman's identity came as no surprise; Lily could have easily predicted she would get in with this crowd.

Avery flicked his wand at Lily, and she felt her body grow stiff. Then her feet left the ground as Avery levitated her out of the room and into the hallway. Her wand arm still twisted awkwardly behind her back. Avery seemed aware of this, as he kept himself and Narcissa a few yards ahead.

"You are the young lady I expected to negotiate with, I assume?" said Avery. "You must not understand how negotiating works."

"This one's a mudblood, sir," said Narcissa. "I recognize her from Hogwarts. She's a nasty bitch of a thing."

"Perhaps we ought to call your sister in to handle her, then," said Avery.

Lily's eyes screamed, since her mouth couldn't. She had heard tales of Bellatrix Black's insanity, grown even worse since her days at Hogwarts. She wanted nothing in the world less than for Bellatrix to come there, save for maybe Voldemort.

Lily's feet bumped on each step going down the staircase. Avery didn't mind the turn at the bottom, and so Lily's hip rammed into the banister. The ancient wood collided with her pelvic bone harder than she would have expected.

Avery brought her into the room with the fireplace. James sat at the table, facing away from the door. He turned his head when he heard the three people come in. Lily expected him to leap to his feet, wand blazing, witty one-liners springing from his mouth. But he didn't even reach for his wand.

"I suppose this is your idea of a good bargaining chip," said James sardonically.

"Not anymore, no," said Avery. "You two came here to deceive me, and I don't take kindly to that. And it hardly matters. The mudblood seems to have let Miss Slughorn escape before we caught her."

James looked to Lily for confirmation. She couldn't shake or nod her head, and she suspected a lot of blinking wouldn't tell him anything. Then James shifted in his seat, and Lily saw that ropes bound his arms. What had he said, Lily wondered, that gave him away?

Avery lowered Lily until her feet touched the ground. Lily now supported her own weight, but she still could not move. Avery stepped forward and stood a few feet in front of her. He looked her in the eye with an unfailing glare. Lily tried to look bold, summoning her best impression of Sirius. But her efforts produced only a vaguely tired expression.

"I do not know how you snuck past me," said Avery, "But none deceive me with impunity under my roof."

"Let me call in Bellatrix," said Narcissa, her voice too eager, her fingers too nimble as they flexed across her wand.

"Patience, Narcissa," said Avery. Then, to Lily, "You would have been safest behind the walls of your school, mudblood. Out here, we will burn you and your kind until nothing remains."

Lily still held her wand behind her back. She didn't know what it pointed at, but she knew she would be safe from the line of fire. And so she cast a spell, and a moment later the room grew brighter and she felt heat glowing against her left side.

Narcissa ran to put out the fire, which distracted Avery for a few seconds, and in those few seconds Lily felt her limbs become free. She aimed a hard kick at Avery's knee and then ran toward the table. James already stood with his wand in the air.

Narcissa extinguished Lily's fire easily. Then she and Avery sent stunning spells in Lily and James's direction. Lily and James both ducked. He tipped over the high-backed chair in which he had been captive and pulled Lily down behind it. Lily kept her arm up, blasting any spell she could think of toward Avery and Narcissa. The Death Eaters did not advance, but they continued to send a barrage of their own spells. Lily saw a few green blasts of light in the air and tried to pretend she didn't know what that meant.

"I've got floo powder in my pocket," said Lily. She sent a stunning spell toward Avery.

"Fall back to the fireplace?" suggested James.

Lily meant to shake her head, but she grew distracted from blocking and dodging the veritable light show that Avery and Narcissa sent her way. With her left hand, she reached in her pants pocket to pull out the spare pouch of floo powder she'd brought.

"Here," she said, holding it out for James. "You're a chaser. Can you toss it in?"

"Watch me," he says.

He took the floo powder from her. His spells disappeared from the air, and Lily tried to send hers faster to make up for it. But Avery and Narcissa were gaining ground quickly now; Lily was hard pressed to keep them away. Behind her, she heard the fireplace crackle and hiss from the powder, and she knew James's had good reason to boast about his aim.

"On three," whispered Lily.

"Fuck that," said James.

He grabbed her arm, pulled her to her feet, and used his wand to send the chair flying at Avery and Narcissa. It barreled into them and knocked them both to the ground, but Lily barely saw it. She and James ran toward the fireplace. Slughorn's sister appeared then, pulling the cloak off. Lily grabbed the woman's hand as they headed toward the fireplace.

"The Three Broomsticks," said Lily.

She felt a spell whizz by her ear. A few feet separated her from the fireplace, now just a yard, now just a good leap. Then she, James, and Slughorn's sister closed the last bit of distance, and green flames engulfed them.

Lily felt a hook behind her navel pulling her forward. She, James, and Slughorn's sister slammed into each other as they whirled through the fireplaces of the floo network until finally, they fell onto the floor of the Three Broomsticks.

No lights lit the pub, given the late hour. Lily didn't even know how late it was. Ten o'clock, perhaps? It didn't matter.

Lily brushed herself off and stood up, tucking her wand into her pocket. She put a hand against her head, took a deep breath, and then leaned against the bar.

"Lily?" she heard James say.

She remembered that she was angry at him. It would come back in a few minutes, but she still whirred and hummed inside. She watched James pull himself off the ground, and then she noticed that Slughorn's sister wasn't standing up.

"James…is she…?"

They both knelt on the ground beside the woman and turned her over. Her eyes were still open, her mouth half-agape. Her lips had already gone pale.

"Fuck," he whispered.

She cried. She let her arse hit the ground, tucked her knees into her chest, and cried in front of this dead woman whose name she hadn't even bothered to know. Nameless blood suddenly pooled in her hands, and she felt like a stubborn idiot of a child to have thought she could handle this.

He put an arm around her shoulders, and she leaned her head against his collarbone. They both smelt of ashes. She shook from crying. Her nose snotted up. She wiped at it with the back of her hand like a child. Her eyes focused on the dead woman's face, and she could not look away. Some part of her called it penance.

"It wasn't your fault," he muttered at one point.

He was a bullshit artist, she thought. He always had been. She remembered that she was angry at him, and still she did not feel ready for her anger.

Her crying abated, and although tears still rushed out of her eyes, she no longer shook from crying. He rubbed her shoulder consolingly. She hated that she found it comforting. Somewhere, some part of her found it in her to hate just a little bit.

"Lily?" he finally said, once she had calmed. "We need to go."

"What…what do we do with…? She struggled to get the words out. She took a breath in between attempts, trying not to cry once more.

"We can figure it out in the…" he began to say, but he didn't finish. They both knew that they couldn't leave a body around.

One of them suggested flooing up to the castle, but they found no powder on the mantle. The other one suggested getting someone, but neither of them seriously considered the idea. In the end, he draped the invisibility cloak over the dead woman, casting it out like a table cloth, and put the body over his shoulder in a fireman's lift.

They walked to the castle in silence. She wiped her nose and eyes every few minutes. Her mind conjured fresh thoughts of guilt, unrelenting and unceasing. She called herself stubborn, called herself a child, incompetent, foolish, headstrong, and every other foul word that had ever been lobbed at her, save for the ones about her birth.

Then she thought how she would tell the professor. The idea of having to look at him and explain why he no longer had a sister shoved her into a tiny corner of herself, unwilling to come back out. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and wondered whether she might vomit.

The double doors of the castle were obnoxiously heavy and loud. She prayed Filch wouldn't hear, but the worry stemmed more habit than genuine feeling. She didn't really feel much of anything at all right then except for skin-shreddingly awful guilt.

He pulled the ratty parchment from earlier out of his pocket. He told her that the professor was in his quarters, right above his office. She nodded. His words came to her as if muffled through water.

He led the way up to the professor's quarters. In the corridor outside, he lowered the body to the ground and removed the invisibility cloak. He made a point to gently shut the eyes and mouth.

Arms still curled tight around her midsection, seeing but not processing the sight of James beside the body, she leaned against the wall.

"You should tell him," he said.

She nodded but didn't move.

He stood and approached her. He put a gentle hand on her arm. "Lily?"

"I'll go," she said, pulling away from his hand.

She walked around him, did not look at him, did not look at the body, and went into the office. There stood a door at the back of the room leading to his quarters. She knocked once loudly.

She heard a great puffing and mumbling and creaking of bedsprings as the professor awoke. It would have struck her as almost comical if the circumstances had been anything else. As matters stood, she stared at the door and clenched her fists. She lied in her head and told herself she could get through this.

Slughorn opened the door. He wore green silk pajamas and a black nightcap. He looked put-out at first, then just amicably bewildered when he saw Lily. Once he registered her demeanor, he looked downright worried.

"What's happened?" he asked.

"Professor," she said. Took a breath. "I told you I would deal with the people who had your…" Deep breath. "Your sister. I went tonight to try to get her back. And I'm…I'm so sorry I didn't go to Dumbledore, or just let it be. I…"

Slughorn leaned forward. His eyes showed a painful mix of hope and dread. He waited for Lily to finish. She looked at him and told herself she needed to finish. This, she considered penance.

"Your sister is dead. I'm so, so, so sorry."

Slughorn did not explode, did not collapse, did not react like he usually would. He seemed to sink into himself, and in that moment he looked older and more tired than Lily had ever seen him. He put a hand over his eyes to give himself the reprieve of a moment. Lily saw it in his shoulders and the lines of his forehead that part of him had broken, perhaps irreparably.

"We have the body," whispered Lily, as if her words provided any consolation.

"I'd like to see her," said Slughorn quietly.

Lily led him into the hallway. James waited there, hands behind his back and eyes cast toward the floor. A few feet away, lay the body. Slughorn fell to his knees before it. He clutched his sister's hands and brushed a hair out of her face. Then, seeing them side by side, Lily saw the resemblance. She wondered how she hadn't before.

Slughorn asked for them to leave him to his grief. Lily apologized once more and then again after that. James put a hand on her back to lead her away, or else she would have kept apologizing all night for something no amount of apologies could fix.

A clock somewhere chimed eleven. Lily wondered how it could still be so early, how it wasn't two in the morning. Between the comparatively early hour and Lily's clear misery, the Fat Lady gave neither comment nor judgment as the two students climbed through the portrait hole. The common room, blessedly, was empty.

Finally, Lily felt herself slip back into normal feelings, almost like slipping into her robe. She came down from her grief, from her self-loathing, although they would surely return tomorrow. For now, she turned and hit James hard on the arm.

"You fucking arse," she said, making a point not to shout. She saw no sense in waking the whole of their house.

"What the bloody hell did I do?" said James, confused at Lily's sudden shift in emotion.

She hit him again. "I told you the bloody plan, and you bloody switched it on me at the last second. What, so you could bloody protect me? A fat lot of good that did! When I tell you my fucking plan, you don't fucking change it when I make a fucking point to trust you!"

"Do you want an apology? I'm sorry!" exclaimed James. "What the hell else do you want?"

"A little fucking trust! A little fucking respect!" said Lily. She had forgotten her resolution not to get loud. "You want to protect me so bloody badly, but I can protect my bloody self! Did you ever consider that maybe if you want me to trust you, you should show that you trust me to get us through?"

"You wanted to go to bloody Sirius before me! Why would I expect you to trust me? I wasn't going to let you fucking die to save some bird I'd never met!"

Lily slapped him. It stung her hand, but she didn't regret it. She didn't bother getting a last word in. She turned and made for her dorm. She prayed that her roommates weren't awake, and for once they had all fallen asleep before midnight on a Saturday. As she climbed into bed with fresh tears on her face, Lily wondered whether that mustn't have been some kind of record for them.

No such luck smiled on James. His friends chatted and jumped around boisterously, with no sign of stopping anytime soon. James tried to put on a cheery face and his usual swagger; it fell short.

"Where've you been, Prongs?" asked Sirius.

"Out," James said simply. Did his voice always sound that tired?

"Out with a girl, or…?"

"Out," repeated James.

He went into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. A shower could distract him from everything wrong. He didn't feel like explaining jack shit to his roommates.

His cheek still stung where Lily slapped him. Maybe he had deserved it. He didn't entirely regret switching the plan, though. If anything, he probably would have cocked it up even worse if he'd been the one sneaking around the place. He would have to ask Lily sometime exactly what had happened upstairs, assuming she was still talking to him. Given the girl's history, that was a big if.

Lily stayed in bed on Sunday morning. Her friends didn't wake her, rightly assuming she had been out late. From somewhere in between asleep and awake, Lily heard whispered speculation about what she had been getting up to the previous night.

She didn't dream, thank Merlin. She had needed a good, solid night's rest to wipe everything away. Well, she got the rest, minus the wiping-away-ness of it. Upon waking, she thought of Slughorn's sister lying dead on the ground. Then she relived a few times having had to tell Slughorn. Then she fought to fall back asleep to keep from crying more.

Around noon, she finally hoisted herself out of bed and into a shower. Memories of the previous night wouldn't leave her alone. She figured that maybe she could distract herself if she got up and went about her usual business.

It was one of those mornings when the shower made her skin feel weird and she couldn't get her hair right. Her clothing moved the wrong way around her body, even though she had worn this sweater a thousand times before. Her cheeks felt puffy and her skin looked paler than usual. After fifteen minutes of poking at her appearance in the mirror, she decided she could really do nothing for it.

Only Remus and Peter sat at the Gryffindor table when Lily arrived in the Great Hall for lunch. She put herself next to them and helped herself to some lunch which she'd ordinarily find appealing but looked about as appetizing as a troll today. Lily attempted a few bites and pushed the rest around her plate. She drank enough water to fill a cauldron, though.

Remus tapped her on the shoulder. He asked, "Are you all right, Lily?"

She shrugged. "I guess. What about you?"

"Full moon isn't for a while. I'm doing okay," he said. "But you and James were both gone for most of last night, and he came back to the dorm looking like hell. What happened to you two?"

Lily had about a half-second to deliberate, and she went with the first lie she could think of. She looked Remus in the eye and deadpanned, "We were shagging in a broom cupboard."

The trick was not to look away once she'd said it. Lily had spent years perfecting her deadpan, and she had learned that how long she held the person's gaze after the lie was proportional to how much she confused them. And, just as he should have, Remus laughed nervously and furrowed his brow.

"No, seriously," he said.

"I am. We shagged in a broom cupboard," said Lily again. Her tone toed the line between sarcasm and monotone.

Remus looked thoroughly confused. He looked back down at his lunch, and Lily felt satisfied. She looked around him, however, and noticed that Peter looked at her with equal confusion. She didn't want to bother. So she got up and left.

She walked around the castle aimlessly for a while. She didn't want to run into anyone, especially not anyone with whom she'd be obligated to carry on a conversation. But the longer she walked around on her own, the more time her guilt had to chip away at her conscience, and she found herself headed toward Slughorn's office. She stood for a few minutes outside of his door and wondered whether he didn't want to just be left alone. She wound up knocking anyway.

Slughorn opened the door. He looked like hell, but not in the is-he-going-mad way he had a few days ago. More of a death-in-the-family kind of looking like hell, which made sense. Lily forced herself to look him in the eye, because as far as she was concerned she deserved every scrap of guilt this visit would afford her.

"I wanted to come by and offer my condolences," she said.

Slughorn smiled sadly. He stood back and held out an arm, gesturing for Lily to come in. She did. She sat awkwardly on the edge of a chair, and Slughorn sat himself behind his desk.

"You know, our parents died while we were both in school," said Slughorn.

"I'm sorry," muttered Lily.

"It's quite all right. It's been years, and Patricia and I had worked through our grief. But she always looked out for me so well. She was only two years my junior, but sometimes it seemed as though she were the older one, from the way she looked out for me. That was our mother's influence in her. She was brilliant. Quite bold, too."

"I'm very sorry," said Lily again. "I shouldn't have gone. It would have been –"

"Miss Evans," interrupted Slughorn, "The only person to blame here is the wizard who cast the curse."

Lily nodded. For lack of anything better to say, she repeated, "I'm sorry."

"Enough of that," said Slughorn tiredly. "I've a bottle of nice wine in my quarters. Perhaps we should toast Patricia."

Lily nodded. Slughorn rose to his feet and went into his quarters. He left the door ajar, and Lily could see in. Green everything bedecked the room, from the curtains to the couch to the carpet. Lily saw a few bookshelves that compromised, presumably, Slughorn's private library. The sudden reappearance of a body in the doorway obscured her view. Slughorn carried a bottle of red wine, along with two glasses.

He sat at his desk and poured a splash of wine into each glass. He passed one to Lily. She wanted to object that she was underage, but then she thought the alcohol wasn't really the point.

With his glass aloft, Slughorn said, "To Patricia Slughorn, the best friend and bravest woman I've ever known."

"To Patricia Slughorn," repeated Lily.

They both drank. Lily had only a mouthful and left some wine at the bottom of her glass. Slughorn, however, drained what he had poured and then helped himself to some more wine. Lily couldn't fault the man for it.

After a quarter hour's more forced conversation, Lily could finally take her leave. She returned to her dorm with thoughts of maybe writing to Petunia in her head. None of her roommates occupied the dorm, and Lily could get out a piece of parchment and write in peace.

She hadn't written a letter to her sister in years. Petunia had never responded, and so the exercise had lost any value for Lily about halfway through her second year. She would have liked to pretend Severus hadn't informed that decision at all. Whatever the case, she had no idea what to say that wouldn't seem utterly odd.

_Dear Tuney,_ she thought. She decided against it: too familiar.

_Dear Petunia,_ she tried again.And then the words wouldn't come. Was she supposed to address why she was writing? Or would it have been better to pretend this was perfectly ordinary? She settled on the latter.

_I hope you and Mum are well. Mum mentioned in her last letter that you're seeing someone. Sometime soon, I'd like to hear how you two met. _She resisted adding that she would like to meet him. Firstly, given Petunia's taste in men, she probably wouldn't have liked to meet Petunia's new boyfriend. Moreover, Petunia would probably have had an episode over the thought of her boyfriend meeting her freak of a sister.

_The snow has been unending on my end. I hope Cokeworth hasn't been too bogged down in the wintry weather. Did you enjoy Christmas and New Year's? Apologize to Mum once more for me that I didn't come home. I'm glad she had you around to brighten her holidays. There's a chance I won't be coming home much in the summer either. I worry about Mum since Dad passed, but I know you take good care of her. She did always say you'll make a great mum someday._

_ It's just I've been thinking about Dad lately. I miss him a lot. I know he would've been sad we've grown apart so much over the past few years. It makes me sad, too. I miss you. I know I'm far from blameless, so I'm sorry that I haven't made the effort I could have. I'd like to try again at being sisters, if you're willing._

_Love,_

_Lily_

Lily had almost entirely fabricated the bit about thinking about her Dad, but she could hardly say, "I'm partially to blame for my potions professor's sister dying at the hands of a Death Eater, and it's made me think how awful it would be for my own sister to be killed as well." She thought her lie read a bit more eloquently, and more delicate to boot.

Alice came into the dorm just as Lily signed her name to the letter. Alice wore her quidditch robes and carried her broom under her arm. She asked, "Where did you run off to last night?"

"Nothing important," muttered Lily.

"Must've been something, since you slept in so long today," said Alice.

"Really, it was nothing," said Lily. "What have you lot been up to?"

"Well, Potter insisted on having another practice today, so Fran and I had to get up early for that. Nadia came along to watch," said Alice.

"Are they still at the pitch?"

"No, they're down in the common room. They stopped to chat with Frank for a while."

"I'll be sure to say hi to them. I'm going to head up to the owlery and send a letter. Have anything you want me to send for you?"

"No, thanks though. See you in a bit."

"Yeah, see you."

Lily blew on the ink to make it dry more. Then she folded the letter up carefully and left the dorm. In the common room, Fran and Nadia sat on the couch chatting with Frank. Fran still wore her grass-and-mud-stained quidditch robes. Judging by her wild gestures, Fran was telling the tale of some spectacular dive that went horribly awry. Lily waved hello to her friends as she passed, and then she left to go to the owlery.

As she headed toward the stairs, Potter passed by. Lily pointed looked down at the letter in her hands and turned it over a couple of times. She didn't look back up until she was sure Potter had walked far enough away. She may still have blamed herself for what happened, but that didn't mean she wasn't blaming him, too.


	10. There Are Days

At breakfast on Monday, Professor Dumbledore announced that there would be no potions lessons that week. He simply stated that Professor Slughorn had personal matters that needed attending. Mutters and whispers spread through the Great Hall like a swarm of flies, and Lily couldn't help but feel responsible for it. The younger students sounded more gleeful about no lessons than concerned about the professor. But the older students bent their heads together conspiratorially, wondering what could be so serious as to drag Slughorn away from preparing them for their OWLs and NEWTs.

Lily didn't join in with her friends' speculation on the subject. She could easily have lied, but that Lily didn't feel up to putting in the effort. Saturday night had left her still exhausted, physically and emotionally.

She looked at the faces around her and realized that she couldn't talk about how she felt with anyone. Not one of her friends had seen the dead woman's body or fought off Avery and Narcissa or had to face the gut-wrenching guilt of telling Slughorn his sister had been killed. Not one of them, she amended, but James.

Lily looked over and saw that James, on his end of the table, was being similarly silent. They caught each other's gaze for a moment. Lily immediately looked away. She barely wanted to be in the same room as that overprotective, disrespectful git, let alone look him in the eye.

After breakfast, everyone dispersed from the Great Hall as they decided how to spend the newly-free period. Alice pulled Lily toward the library, which would surely be empty at that time of day. Lily assented, if only for the peace and quiet.

Settling in at a table by the window, they took some quills and parchment out of their bags to create the illusion of doing homework. Madam Pince never took kindly to students using the library as a hangout place. Not that the issue came up often for Lily, but she had learned well enough by now not to chance it.

"Alice, I need to talk about something," she said, after waiting an appropriate handful of minutes.

"Of course, anything," Alice replied. She leaned her arms on the table.

"It's about Saturday night," said Lily. Her voice barely rose above a whisper.

She told Alice the barest details, just enough to communicate the magnitude of what had happened. Lily had to stop, take a breath, and wipe at her eyes every so often during the telling of it. By the end, Alice got up and came around the table to give Lily a hug. Lily smiled and tried to wave her off.

"I'm fine," Lily insisted.

"You have every right not to be fine," pressed Alice. "I'd think you were crazy if you weren't not fine."

"Wait, are you saying I should or shouldn't be –"

"Double negative, sorry. What I mean is that it's okay to be upset about this. But don't beat yourself up. Slughorn was right – the only person to blame is Avery or Narcissa. Or both."

"Or both," repeated Lily, with a meek smile.

But the both whom she blamed wasn't Avery and Narcissa. Rather, she blamed both James and herself. She'd been the one who cooked up the whole plan and then convinced herself she was adult enough to handle it. James had been the one whom Lily couldn't trust in the end and who treated the whole world as a joke.

So yes, she did blame them both. Just the wrong them.

* * *

"Free period. We could, you know, not do work."

"Depends on what you mean by 'not do work."

"I think you know exactly what I mean."

"Potions room, then? I figure it's probably empty."

Nadia grabbed Fran's hand and led her toward the dungeons. They passed by a group of Slytherins; Nadia and Fran received a weird look. Nadia realized that two dungeon-bound Gryffindors probably looked suspicious. She didn't slow down, though.

Fran pulled her hand away. She said, "I'm not a kid, Nadia. I won't get lost."

"Well then walk faster, will you? I don't want to waste time."

"It'll look worse if we're jogging the whole way there."

"Who said anything about jogging there? I was planning on a good sprint to warm us up."

Nadia stopped and went into a starting stance. She bounced on the balls of her feet until Fran thumped her with her bag.

"Nut," muttered Fran.

"What was that?" said Nadia, straightening her posture.

"Nothing," said Fran.

Fran hurried away toward the dungeons, and Nadia half-jogged after her. She wound up having to chase her girlfriend all the way to the potions room. Once Nadia finally caught up, she put a hand on Fran's waist and got in close.

"You're such a git," Nadia said. She put her hand against Fran's jaw and leaned in to kiss her. But Fran put up a hand and backed away.

Fran asked, "Do you hear something?"

Nadia held her breath and strained her ears. In fact, she did hear something coming from the potions room. She wondered whether Slughorn was in there. Then she realized she heard a distinctly female voice. Then she heard that distinctly female voice say a name that didn't surprise Nadia in the least.

Fran pushed open the door, and Nadia peeked in over her shoulder. Sirius and a strawberry-blonde Hufflepuff stood quite close together, with Sirius half-leaning against a table. Nadia saw that they were, in fact, snogging.

"Sirius," said Nadia loudly, annoyedly.

Sirius and his Hufflepuff broke apart. The girl blushed a bit, but she waved to Fran and Nadia. Nadia recognized her as Melanie Lennox, the Hufflepuff keeper. Fran had mentioned a few times that the girl had some damn respectable quidditch abilities. Apparently, her abilities didn't stop at the pitch.

"It's a bit rude of you to interrupt," said Sirius.

"It's a bit crass of you to snog in the potions room," retorted Nadia.

Sirius made a puffing sound with his mouth. "As if you two were going to play charades in here."

Nadia gave him a look that said yes, they intended to engage in the same activities as him, but no, that would not get him off the hook.

"No, no," said Fran quickly. "It's just…James sent us to look for you."

"Did he?" said Sirius. He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. Perhaps it was the post-snogging confidence, but he struck an impressively cool pose as he leaned against the desk.

"He did," said Fran. She had no followup, no further details to pad the lie. Nadia would have stepped in to help, but Melanie spoke first.

"Well, if Potter needs you, I guess we'll take a raincheck," Melanie said to Sirius.

"Anytime you're available, love," he replied, with a wink.

She gave him a shove in the middle of his chest and walked away. Her cheeks still blushed red, but she kept a cool expression as she walked, maybe even strutted, past Nadia and Fran. Sirius followed not far behind her.

"All I'm saying," he said, "Is that I don't interrupt when you lot want to go have a snog."

"I'm quoting you on that if you ever do interrupt us," said Nadia.

Sirius shrugged and walked away, his footsteps echoing down the potions corridor. Nadia ushered Fran into the classroom and shut the door behind them. They both threw their things onto an empty desk.

"So where were we?" said Nadia, vaguely attempting to sound sexy. But given that she had had little experience in her sixteen years with being sexy, it didn't work very well. Fran smiled anyway and put her arms across Nadia's shoulders.

Nadia slid her hands around Fran's waist. She felt as if she had been waiting an agonizingly long time since she last put her hands on her girlfriend. Then Fran kissed her, and Nadia knew it had been since their last time alone that they had touched each other.

She wanted to trace the last time Fran touched her, even just to brush a hair out of her face or hold her hand for a moment. But the last time for everything suddenly became this time, and this time filled Nadia's senses totally and utterly.

* * *

Remus slid into a desk beside Sirius. Students occupied almost every desk in the transfiguration room, so Remus counted himself lucky that the one beside Sirius had been empty. After he settled in, he couldn't help but notice Sirius seemed a little bit annoyed, as he kept casting furtive glances across the room toward Lily and her lot.

"Did something happen?" asked Remus.

"Watkins and Reynolds cut into a perfectly good snog, that's what happened," said Sirius.

"Oh, Merlin," muttered Remus. Then more loudly, "Was it intentional?"

"Not that it matters, but I'm guessing it was," said Sirius. "They could've just backed out of the potions room quietly once they saw Melanie and I were, y'know, occupied." He put that last word in air quotes with his fingers.

"Melanie Lennox? You two've been going at it a lot lately," said Remus.

Sirius grinned. "Indeed we have, Moony. I've said it once and I'll say it again: quidditch players do it best."

"I'll bear that in mind."

"Anyways, they interrupted me and Melanie, and I'd bet good money they just wanted to use the potions classroom for themselves," said Sirius. "Greedy gits."

Remus looked across the room at Nadia. He watched as she flipped back her thick, brown hair to put it into a ponytail. His eyes caressed the soft, tanned skin along her jaw and neck, and he wondered what it would have been like to be the one snogging her in the potions classroom. Hell, he would have killed even for just a peck on the cheek.

He'd been putting conscious effort into not getting jealous of Fran lately. It had gotten easier, but he knew that was mostly because he'd noticed them being less affectionate in public. He didn't let himself wonder what that meant. Even if Fran and Nadia became not Fran and Nadia, the only one who counted in Remus's mind didn't swing his way.

"You've got to start getting over her, mate," said Sirius quietly. His voice showed raw concern, which was a rarity for him.

"You think I haven't tried?" said Remus. He tore his eyes away from Nadia, although he knew they would wander back to her numerous times during class. Better his eyes than himself, he thought.

Professor McGonagall collected the homework and briefly explained the day's lesson. Then she passed around teacups and instructed the class to practice vanishing them and making them reappear. Sirius made their teacup vanish in the blink of an eye. Then he turned to Remus with a distinctly Sirius look in his eye.

"What you need is a good snog," he said. "You need a Melanie."

"I don't think Melanie would be okay with you passing her around like a toke," said Remus.

"Not Melanie." Sirius waved a hand, as if Remus were the one being ridiculous. "A Melanie. Some bird who wants a casual snog as much as you do. Better yet, maybe even a girlfriend. Merlin knows you'd be the first of us guys to actually have one."

"It's definitely not for lack of trying," said Remus. He jerked his head in James's direction.

Sirius let out one quick bark of laughter. He said, "Yeah, there's another one who could stand to be a little less hung up on his bird. My point is, find a Melanie or a girlfriend, but the last thing you need is an Evans."

"Easier said than done," said Remus.

He got a good look at James and Peter's teacup, and then he made an identical one appear on their desk. He had no idea whether it looked like the one they had had before. It made no difference, not really. Once a person had something new, one could easily forget what the previous had even looked like.

About halfway through the period, Sirius and James switched seats. The Marauders had gotten in the habit of shuffling themselves about during class. James and Remus took it in turn to vanish and conjure their teacup, while they listened to Sirius tell jokes that should definitely not have been said with a professor in earshot.

"So Sirius thinks I need a good lay," said Remus at one point.

"Don't we all," said James.

"I mean, to help me get over…you know who I'm talking about."

James set his wand down on the desk and leaned back in his chair. He gave Remus a knowledgeable smile.

"I love our dear friend Padfoot like he was my own flesh and blood," began James in a grand tone. "But when it comes anywhere within a fifteen mile radius of feelings, that bloke's as thick as they come."

"So you think it's a bad idea?" said Remus.

"Yes, because I can tell you from experience it won't solve anything," said James.

"Then what will?"

"Hell if I know," said James, shrugging.

"So you shot down Sirius's idea, but you've got nothing of your own?"

"Pretty much."

"Unbelievable," muttered Remus.

He put his arms out on his desk and rested his head down. He forced himself to turn his head to face James and not Nadia, not Nadia, not Nadia. He thought, for a brief moment, whether he'd prefer to just be outright rejected.

"I'd help if I could," said James. "But do I really seem like any kind of authority when it comes to getting over a girl?"

Remus chuckled. James joined in, and they found themselves laughing like mad. Their laughter died down, and Remus clapped James on the shoulder.

"We're a bunch of hopeless bastards," he said.

"Maybe you are," said James. "At least the girl I fancy is into men."

Remus thwacked James over the head. The wound still felt raw, but maybe James and Sirius had the right idea about things. Treating it like a casual thing, like it was fair game for humor like anything else, felt like it was doing Remus some good.

* * *

By Wednesday, Lily had decided that she needed a hypothesis. All of her research, the hours spent re-reading _Hogwarts, A History_, the time wasted scanning the library shelves, it had amounted to nothing. Lily suspected that too general a search caused her research issues. So she sat herself in the library, pulled out a quill and parchment, and wrote down a few possibilities.

_Architectural flaw_, she wrote. Improbable, but not impossible.

_Peeves. Another poltergeist. A ghost. A charm. A prank from one of the Slytherins._

She wrote down as many possibilities as she could think of, and then she picked one to start with. A ghost or poltergeist sounded like the best bet, and so she went to look for books that could test her hypothesis. Nothing else got the job done better than the scientific method.

The Hogwarts library contained a staggering amount of books about ghosts: how they came to be, stories of famous ones, muggle misconceptions thereof, and even more. Lily barely wanted to know half of it, let alone needed to know any of it to get some answers.

"When am I ever going to need to know about the existence span of a ghost?" she muttered, shoving a book back into its shelf.

Finally, she found a book which detailed the capabilities of ghosts, and Lily read the section as quickly as she could. Within three pages, her hypothesis began to look pretty sound. The book stated that ghosts could create sounds or illusions, usually marked by a distinctly supernatural feel. The author listed a few examples, such as one ghost in Bristol who created an illusion of rain out of a window and another in Poole whom people had noted to sing hymns at odd hours of the night.

Satisfied with her work for the day, Lily checked out the book and exited the library.

The corridors looked surprisingly dark for the morning. The clouds outside had gathered quickly overnight and threatened rain at any moment. Lily wondered how long it would keep up. She didn't fancy being cooped up inside all weekend, but then again she didn't fancy having to go out either.

She hadn't received a reply yet from Petunia. Some small part of Lily had let herself get her hopes up. She should have known better by now. She should have learned years ago that some bridges, once burned, could not be rebuilt.

* * *

Remus ran into Sarah Dulire on the way to Defense Against the Dark Arts. The raindrops trailing down the windows refracted through the corridors, making it look as though everyone were covered in rain. Sarah walked alone. No one noticed the girl, given her petite stature.

Remus briefly fancyied Sarah during his third year, because she had been French and pretty and thoughtful. She'd gotten a little less French (partially lost her accent) and far prettier (developed cheekbones out of her round face and developed a more mature figure). Beyond that, he didn't really know anything. He hadn't talked to her in years beyond the occasionally hello in class.

Remus stood a few yards away, and he and Sarah headed towards each other. Just this side of too loud, Remus called out, "Hi, Sarah."

Sarah looked up. She locked eyes with Remus and smiled, but she waited until he had gotten closer before she said hello. Remus turned around once he met up with her so that they walked in the same direction.

"Hello, Remus," said Sarah. "How have you been?"

She was probably fishing for an answer less complex than the real one. Remus settled on, "Good, definitely good. And yourself?"

"Busy. You know how sixth year can be," she said. Just a hint of a French accent and a soft slowness tinged her words.

"Yeah. But you've always been smart. I'm sure it's nothing you can't handle."

Sarah tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. She replied, "You flatter me."

"I tell the truth. You're not a Ravenclaw for nothing."

"I wonder, then, why you aren't one, too."

Remus shrugged. He didn't want the conversation to focus on him, so he said, "You look pretty today."

"Thank you," said Sarah. The softness went out of her voice just a little.

And suddenly, Remus drew a blank. Each step sounded like the ticking of a clock, counting out each second that had gone by in silence. He wondered what Sarah was thinking and whether she was judging him for his apparent stupidity. He wished he could be James or Sirius, who had a God-given ability to always have something to say around girls. He wished his mind hadn't suddenly drifted to Nadia, because goddammit the whole point of this was to forget her.

And then he decided that karma was screwing him over. Remus was, to put it not-nicely, using Sarah to forget about another girl. And as nice as Sarah was, someone overshadowed her in Remus's mind. Maybe Remus would try again in a few months, but right now he saw himself as too much of a damned nice guy to do this.

"I'll see you around," he said lamely.

Sarah's pace slowed. As Remus walked away, she waved goodbye slowly, and then her hand went to rest against her cheek.

Sarah Dulire was really, really pretty. And Remus Lupin was really, really annoyed at himself.

* * *

Fran and Nadia used their free period on Wednesday to snog again. Sure, they both had homework they could have been doing, but neither of them wanted to turn down alone time with the other. Fran spent most of her days counting the minutes until she got to kiss Nadia's angled jaw and run a hand through her thick hair. Fran loved best eliciting those soft sighs that her girlfriend so seldom made.

They didn't go to the potions room this time, since Sirius and Melanie most likely occupied it already. Instead, they found themselves one of the unused classrooms on the third floor. The proceedings went as always: started out innocent, but somehow ended up with them both horizontal on the desks. Nadia, naturally, wound up being the one on top.

Afterward, Fran poked her head into the hallway to make sure no one walked through. Then she gave Nadia the all-clear, and the two of them ambled around the corridors of the school to kill the fifteen minutes until class. Fran held Nadia's hand as they walked. At least, she did until she heard someone coming.

It wasn't that she was ashamed or anything like that. It was just that the heap of shit she'd gotten from the Slytherins in potions class had taught Fran well enough that she should keep her shit on the down-low. As far as Fran was concerned, Nadia was the last person in the goddamn world who should have had to deal with that.

And so Fran pulled her hand out of her girlfriend's as she heard footsteps approaching. To mask the gesture, she reached up to put her hair in a ponytail. In her periphery, she hoped she didn't see a slump in Nadia's shoulders.

* * *

James had tried once, maybe twice over the years to get over Lily. As in a real, genuine effort, not just the musings of a moment. The first had been in his third year, after the first time he'd gotten a no. The second time had been at the end of fifth year, after the Snivellus incident. Neither attempt had stuck.

On Friday morning, James's friends spoke little. They had all stayed up the previous night doing work. Peter's head drooped dangerously close to his kippers. Sirius kept wiping the sleep from his eyes and mussing his hair. Remus ate slowly and listened to what other people said, which quite frankly didn't differ much from how he usually acted in the morning.

James didn't know when his eyes drifted over to Lily, but he did know that they stayed there longer than was appropriate. She didn't notice, though. She listened to her friends talk; she had a serious expression on her face. She hadn't been smiling much over these past few days, James had noticed. He would have had to be an idiot to think it had nothing to do with what happened with Slughorn's sister.

Lily hadn't said two words to James since it happened, either. Not since she had shouted at him in the common room. He got that she was angry, and he sort of understood it. But he had trouble seeing past the fact that his first priority had been to protect her. He didn't know when Lily Evans had become such a focal point in his world.

He decided to apologize to her. He probably should have a couple of days ago, but he had wanted to let things settle. And it wasn't as if Lily had been the only one feeling the blow of what happened.

* * *

Quite frankly, Lily never knew when it would hit her. There came days, not often but they happened, when she just started feeling it halfway through the day. On this particular Friday, it hit her toward the end of breakfast. It wasn't anything special. She sat with her friends, passively paying attention to their conversation, when she suddenly felt inexplicably other. And the mere fact of Nadia and Fran being sat together, even though they exchanged no excessive affection, was enough. And Peter held a letter in his hands like a holy bible, and Lily knew what his friends had also deduced but Peter wouldn't admit. The room drained of its color, and Lily felt alone.

She grew quiet, as she did when it happened. Her eyes strayed to Grennar Beauregard at the Ravenclaw table, and she wondered what would have happened if she had begged or been nicer or just kissed him once more. Part of her tells her that no, he had been a royal arsehat and she was being stupid. But part of her felt suddenly so airless that she thought it might have been worth it, just to feel someone's skin against hers and to hear someone's voice say things only meant for her.

Free period came, and with it freedom to be on her own. Lily went anywhere and nowhere. She avoided the places she knew other people would frequent. Mostly, she wandered around the staircases, taking back corridors whenever she could, if only to have somewhere to go.

She thought about Severus. She wondered, as she had a handful of times before, whether she could have had him if she had wanted to. But even when she felt like she did now, that thought still struck her as abhorrent. It had become her gauge. So long as Severus remained a non-option, this feeling remained a non-problem.

Lily couldn't force the feeling away, though. And like she had a handful of times before, she considered Grennar. He had been an arse, of course. But he seemed not to hate her, and he had always been good at snogging. Lily had, a few times before, considered getting her ex-boyfriend on the hook again. But she hadn't decided to go looking for him before.

She'd leave it to fate. If she could find him, she'd go for it. If not, she would see it as life's way of telling her she needed to calm down.

First period had begun, but Grennar had potions with Lily, so his first period would be free today, too. Lily wondered whether he might have just gone back to Ravenclaw tower, or perhaps went somewhere closer until the next class. She headed toward the Great Hall, hoping to intercept him on the way.

She didn't particularly know what she'd say. She didn't know what she wanted: maybe to flirt, maybe to ask him out, or maybe to just find a broom cupboard and go to town.

She passed some Ravenclaws she knew, but Grennar did not number among them. Lily drew nearer the Great Hall, and still she didn't see him. Once she reached the entrance hall, she turned and headed for the library. He had always been the studious sort. Maybe he'd be using his free period to do work. It's what Lily would have been doing if that same old feeling hadn't kicked in, like a blow to the stomach, like a kick in the head, like poison on her lips.

Not far from the library, Lily did run into a guy, but the guy she definitely did not want to run into.

"Lily, I want to talk to you," said James.

Lily turned and walked in the other direction. But James caught up with her and put a hand on her shoulder, attempting to make her turn around.

"Please, I just want to apologize," he said.

Lily stopped. She considered him and whether his words had sounded earnest. She decided to give him a shot. She looked at him, crossed her arms, and gave him a look to say that he didn't have long.

"I'm sorry for what I pulled," said James. "Switching the plan on you at the last second. It wasn't right. But I just wanted –"

Lily put up a hand and closed her eyes. "I don't give a fuck what you wanted, Potter. Word to the wise: don't include the word 'but' in an apology."

She headed toward the library. Footsteps followed her for a few paces but fell away. Lily felt the edges of her anger from Saturday night returning. Talking to Potter usually had that effect on her. She really, really hoped Grennar was in the library, because right then Lily craved a good, angry snog.

* * *

Alice spent her free period lounging on her bed, flipping through the day's Daily Prophet. She lay on her stomach with her feet twirling in the air. From time to time, she pushed herself up to have enough room for turning the page of the newspaper. She thought about all of the push-ups Potter had made them do at quidditch practice the day before. She still felt sore in some of her muscles, especially in her arms. She'd made sure to stretch well before bed last night.

Quidditch practices had gotten rougher this semester. Potter had, like the rest of Hogwarts, heard about Hufflepuff's insanely good team. Alice suspected it might be a lot of talk, but Potter wasn't willing to leave that to chance. And since he was never to be outdone, he had pushed his team hard at each practice. But Alice never complained. She left that to Sirius and to Jacob and to all the blokes on the team who spent as much time bitching as they did playing. She made a point never to give anyone room to say that she, as a girl, complained too much. So however many times they ran around the pitch, however much her feet and arms and anything else ached, Alice forced herself to keep going. It made her stronger. It made her better.

She heard a tapping at the window. She looked up; an owl flapped out there with a letter on its foot. Alice got up and unlatched the window to let the bird in. It came in, flapped around the ceiling, and then lowered itself so Alice could remove the letter attached to its leg. Once Alice had relieved it of its cargo, the owl flew over to a lamp and settled its head under its wing.

Alice returned to her bed and opened the envelope. She pulled the letter out and immediately looked to the bottom of the page. Evan had signed his name in large but neat handwriting.

"Bugger me," muttered Alice.

Evan had by no means been an arse, or unintelligent, or rude, or anything to misrecommend himself. He was just a nice, normal boy who had struck Alice's fancy over break. But a nice, normal boy like him wasn't worth the effort of long distance, at least not from what Alice was willing to put in. She was kind of lazy when it came to relationships. If something didn't come easily, she wasn't up for it.

But then, a letter had practically fallen into her lap.

_Hi Alice,_ it read. _I'd got to thinking about you the other day. I know you're back at school, but I'd like to see you if you've got time to spare. Hopefully your quidditch captain can let you out of practice for an afternoon? I get Saturdays off from work. How about in two weekends, I come up to Hogsmeade and take you out for a drink?_

_ Send your reply by return owl. No pressure if you don't want to meet up._

_Best,_

_Evan_

Here Evan was, putting in the effort Alice didn't want to. She supposed she could forego one Saturday. She got out a quill, wrote a quick reply on the back of Evan's letter, and put it back in its envelope. Once she had attached it to the owl's foot again, she sent it out the window. She leaned her arms on the sill, watching the bird shrink against the gray sky. The dark clouds threatened to resume the rain that had been spitting down all week.

* * *

Lily fancied herself a predator in the wild. She could locate her prey easily, but the hunt still remained. And she had to isolate her target, because attacking him in the pack would be nothing short of idiotic.

Also, Lily didn't want anyone to know she was taking up with Grennar again.

Not that she was taking up with him again.

Not that she wasn't taking up with him again though, either.

She wasn't entirely sure about her end goal here. She wanted (maybe) a good snog, but beyond that she just didn't know. She hadn't flirted with anyone in a while, so maybe the chase of it would be good for her.

She spotted Grennar coming out of the great hall after dinner, fortuitously alone. Lily felt almost disappointed that that part of her job had been taken care of for her.

She caught up with him halfway up the stairs. She tapped him on the shoulder lightly.

"Hi, Grennar," she said, in a voice higher than usual. She smiled sweetly, but not too big of a smile. She tried to hit just the right note.

"Hi, Lily," he said. Smiled back.

"How have you been lately?"

Shrug. "I've been good. And yourself?"

"A little lonely." Batted her eyelashes, to really get the point across. She could punch herself in the face later for what she said. "But overall I've been doing fine."

"Sorry to hear it. Anything I could do to help?"

"Oh, I don't know. It's just I'd been thinking about our fifth year."

"When we were dating, you mean?"

"Maybe. You always were charming."

"That's what my last girlfriend told me, too."

"And are you two…?"

"No, we broke up. It wasn't that bad – she gave me some fizzing whizbees."

"Oh." She thought about her own breakup with Grennar. It had been less than "not that bad." In fact, Lily could even call it _that bad_. She wondered whether Grennar thought the same thing.

"You've been saying hi to me more often lately," he said.

"Yeah, I guess so," she said.

"Am I allowed to know why?"

"I just wanted to." Lily put on a smile again. She felt Grennar grabbing at the hook once more.

"I can't say I mind."

"Then I can't say I won't do it more often."

"I look forward to it. I'll be seeing you, Lily."

"You too, Grennar."

He turned and headed down the corridor Lily knew led to Ravenclaw tower. She headed toward her own dormitory, wondering whether she hadn't just opened a door better left closed. But people, she told herself, changed all the time. A year might have made all the difference.

He'd had another girlfriend in that time. Lily vaguely remembered hearing something about him having a brief something with someone, but the details escaped her. It felt odd to think about. Even after they'd broken up, Lily had had this idea in her head of Grennar still being hers. Not hers in a she-wanted-him sense, or in a he-was-hers-to-protect kind of way, but just in the sense that he should still have been thinking about her. Perhaps it was narcissistic of her. Perhaps it was even Potter-ish.

* * *

That evening, James sat in the common room with Peter, helping him with his charms essay. The year had been rough on Peter so far. James liked to help however he could.

"No, that bit about the reversal charm isn't right," said James. He could see upside-down what Peter had written.

"So it's not the same?" said Peter.

"Not theoretically, but in practice they have the same effect," said James.

"So what's the difference?"

"Not much, but it matters to stuffy old men who study these things for a living. Flitwick not included when I say stuffy old men."

Peter scratched out the incorrect lines of his essay and then began rewriting the sentence beneath them. Ink splotches and crossed-out words mottled his essay; haphazard notes filled the margins. Where James could often get away with turning in a first draft if he felt lazy, Peter could not.

James watched his friend continue writing. He kept an eye out for any mistakes, but Peter could trudge on solidly for about a paragraph. The common room had a low murmur to it, given that dinner had just ended. Peter's quill scratched, the third-years chatted quietly, and the fire crackled and spat.

Over the summers when home got too silent, James often found himself missing this sound. He leaned back in his chair and savored it, committing to memory each layer of the din of Gryffindor tower.

"I've finished," Peter declared.

"Gimme," said James, holding out a hand.

Peter passed over his essay. James tried his best to decipher it, between the messy notes and Peter's less-than-wonderful handwriting. But with James's help, the kid had a solid essay going. James slid it back across the table and pointed out a few grammatical errors to his friend.

"But the content is all correct," said James. "Nicely done."

Peter beamed. "Thanks, Prongs."

"No problem."

Peter pulled a second piece of parchment out of his bag and set about copying over his work. James had homework he could be working on too, but he had been telling himself all night he would do it later. Given that he had scheduled a quidditch practice for the next night, he'd find himself staying up late at least one night that week to get his work done. He suspected Sirius would be joining him, since not a week had gone by during the fall term that the two of them didn't stay up at least one night working late.

And so James contented himself with watching Peter work and letting his thoughts wander. As they usually did when allowed to roam free, James's thoughts landed on Evans. He thought about resting a hand against the back of her neck and sliding his mouth over hers. He thought about caressing the dip of her waist and pulling her close. He thought about how gorgeous she'd looked in the snow two weekends ago.

"What's Evans's deal?" he found himself saying aloud.

Peter stopped working. He looked up and stared emptily at James.

"I mean, she's so stubborn. Even when I apologize for something, she's still got it out for me," said James.

"You apologized?" said Peter. He snorted.

"I did! Really!"

"Sure, Prongs."

Peter positioned his quill over his parchment and put his head down to his work once more. James gave him a look, although Peter couldn't see it. He replayed what Peter said in his head, and then he had a thought.

"Maybe she's with you on that," suggested James. "You know, thinking I'm kidding and all."

"It's possible," said Peter distractedly. His eyes stayed on his work.

"Maybe I ought to show her I mean it? Or show her I'm here for her about Slu…about what happened."

"You do that. Hey, is reversal spelled with three e's?"

"Two e's and an a, Pete."

"Thanks."

James thought he was onto something. He didn't know how, but he would figure out a way to convince her he felt genuinely sorry for hurting her.


End file.
